Dating sucks and swiping though Tinder profiles is, frankly, exhausting AND boring.
Even going on a date is such a huge effort – the whole getting-ready malarkey as well as the actual date itself takes so much energy.
But what about when you get dolled up, show up and present the version of yourself, and you get a barrage of messages afterwards about how you could ''improve'' yourself.
Oh, the absolute NECK of some people.
Kimberley Latham-Hawkesford went on what she thought was a straight-forward date and then didn't hear from him for three months.
However, he did in in touch and what eh ahd to say was, well, hilarious.
He apologised for the silence since their date and then launched into 15 things he think Kimberley needs to improve about herself.
Strap in, it's MAD.
He wrote, ''If you lost some weight, you would look incredible. Maybe about a stone or so. You are very pale. I know you aren’t a fan of the sun but a bit of fake tan won’t hurt.''
He continued, ''You have quite big boobs so you should show your off cleavage more. I think you need to wear clothes that suit your figure and maybe update your style slightly. Just so I’m not embarrassed to be seen with you.''
We're pissing ourselves laughing here.
He seemed a bit confused as on one hand he went on to tell her that she needs to look more natural, while also saying she needs hair extensions and lip fillers.
He wrote, ''You need to look more natural, stop wearing makeup. Just make yourself look decent but don’t overkill it.''
He then added, ''Your lips have gone down so you should think of getting more filler. I know you said you regretted it but filler would make you look sexier.''
What. A. Gent.
To round it all of – and continued the pattern of his advice making NO SENSE, he says, ''You need so much more confidence, confidence is sexy! Get a sense of humour, you didn’t laugh at a single one of my jokes. You just seemed a bit stuck up. Sort your personality out.''
He didn't like her offering to split the bill either, writing, ''You made me feel shit when you offered to pay. It’s like you thought I didn’t have enough money after telling you how much is in my account.''
It looks like Kimberley had lucky scape and will be avoiding dates like the plague if this is the shit we've to put up with.
Dating apps are part and parcel of modern relationships, but sometimes tedious swiping can get a little old.
According to a recent US survey of 1000 millennials, up to 95pc say they would rather meet someone IRL than online.
Welcome to the world of Tinder fatigue – symptoms include deleting and re-downloading the app multiple times a year and casting your eyes to heaven every time someone says they're 'not looking for anything serious' in their bio.
While many people have met their bae on a dating app, for others, the incessant swiping, barrage of 'heys' (or lack there of) and absence of authentic potential dates can seem overwhelming.
Whether it's Tinder, Do I Date, She or Bumble, sometimes the process seems like a lot of swiping and messaging, but not a lot of actual dating.
This has led to a revival of classic dating techniques, from back in the day when people actually met each other organically rather than via a smart phone.
From speed dating to group dates, the late nought-teens have seen the return of dating methods that require you actually log out of Netflix and take a shower, rather than chilling in bed in front of a dating site screen.
For those who want to delete dating apps from their lives forever, meeting someone IRL isn't as daunting as it seems, and you don't have to take the internet out of the equation.
Here are a few resources that could make taking the plunge into organic dating all the easier:
Story Party, held in Dublin 's Sugar Club, is all about sharing the bleak and tumultuous tales of Ireland's dating landscape.
You can write your favourite dating story on a confessions slips, anonymously, and have it read out to the audience.
While you're there to lol at the anecdotes, you may find yourself on common ground with a fellow singleton.
You can find hundreds of volunteer opportunities online, and committing yourself to a cause you care about has so many benefits.
As well as helping others and an organisation in need, you have the chance to meet other kindhearted people who care about the same causes you do.
This new social circle could give you further opportunities to meet people like you, who have a commitment to animal rights, solving the housing crisis or feeding those effected by it (as well as making a positive difference in the world.)
5. Get set up
Who truly knows you better than your friends? Get your pals to keep their eyes peeled for potential suitors.
After all, Megan Markle was set upo with Prince Harry by a friend, and look how well that worked out.
Also, you can hold your friends accountable if they set you up with a total creeper, but presuming you have good friends, that probably wont happen.
Modern day dating can be a right pain in the arse.
If you're sick of swiping through endless shirtless selfies and grainy snaps that could pass for mugshots on Tinder, then you're not alone.
Which is why one woman decided to take matters of her love life into her own – magical – hands.
Kate Goth, from Devon, is not your average 30-year-old woman – she also identifies a s a witch.
Which, it turns out, comes in handy when she's looking for a fella.
She said, ''I had suffered a few heartbreaks and so wrote down in my journal that I was off men for good. I would only accept a man whose charm and wit were the equal of my imagined vision of actor Tom Hiddleston.''
Personally I'd go for Adam Driver but whatever you're into.
BECAUSE GUESS WHAT – yep, she match with her very own Tom Hiddleston two weeks later.
She said, ''Adam worked in a furniture warehouse and was living 25 miles away in Tavistock.''
But the use of her magical abilities didn't end there, oh no.
So Kate, determined to get together with Adam, headed into the woods to use her magical abilities to bring them closer.
She said, ''I went to this tree in the woods just outside Totnes, where I often go to perform magic rituals. I began by casting a protection spell around me and then placed down on the ground some bread and herbs as an offering along with three coins.''
Each coin represented a desire – abundance in fortune, happiness for her friends and family and abundance in love.
And it worked.
Kate said, ''A week later Adam was made redundant from his job in Tavistock and came over to live with me in Totnes. I later told him what I had done and he was a little shocked – but that was back in May 2018 and we joke about it now!''
Right, pass us the spell book and expect to see us with a Timothee Chalamet look-a-like ASAP.
Making your bedroom more suitable for Valentine's Day lurve-making can actually be shockingly easy. Think of it like NSFW Marie Kondo; use a bit of feng shui and suddenly your room is gasping for sauciness.
We've done our research, and it's time to share our top tips for sex-ifying your boudoir, and bringing those romantic, sultry vibes.
Even if your room is a war-zone of dirty clothes and old plates (mugs, always mugs), these little changes can really transform your personal space into something far sexier. You're welcome, gals.
1. Move all those family photos or childhood trinkets AWAY from sight.
Try adding in pops of colour to your bedding, and enlist in some autumnal or dark coloured throw pillows. Michael recommends warm hues like tan, browns and gold, but NOT red. Interesting…
"I wouldn't recommend red, because red stimulates hunger, and is usually used in a dining room," she says. This is news to us. A warm-toned blanket at the end of the bed brings a sense of cosiness and intimacy.
3. Invest in new sheets
"The one thing I would invest in, and I tell people to invest in, is really good sheets," says Michael. "It makes all the difference."
We're talkin' breathable material, like linen or cotton, instead of heavy material or cheap, coarse fabric. It's all about those smooth vibes.
4. Put a nightstand on each side of the bed
This one is more unconventional, we admit. Sandi Kaufman, a sex and relationships therapist in New York, says that putting a nightstand on each side of the bed is a healthy way to keep a power balance in the bedroom.
They're also super handy for stowing condoms, lube and sex toys, FYI.
5. Vicky Howie suggests incorporating elements of FIRE to the room.
Now this we have to hear. Heat things up with some sultry candles and lamps, just DON'T set the whole place on fire, for the love of GOD. We don't want to get sued.
Why not try massage candles? They're handy for sex-duty by giving off a nice light and also melting down to a body-safe wax that can be used with a partner. Sounds fun to us.
6. Red objects for femininity
Okay, this one is slightly more bizarre, but it's feng shui. Try to be open minded: placing a red object on the 'female' nightstand is thought to heighten the woman's libido.
Ah, Galentine's Day. Our saviour from the horrors of Valentine's Day, AKA the only day of the year where showing love and men being romantic is socially acceptable.
Whether companies are using female friendships as a marketing tool or not is a WHOLE other discussion.
For now, we're just gonna bring Leslie Knope vibes for 2019's Galentine's Day, which falls the day before Valentine's Day, and celebrates the power of galpals.
Of course, you don't need to be single to celebrate the special day that is Galentine's; You can snatch all them sexy roses from your boo and high five your ladypals at the same time.
1. Channelling the OG Renaissance Romantics:
Happy #GalentinesDay everyone! Don't forget the real meaning of the holiday, which is not only about uplifting your best girlfriends but coming together as women to drown men and have great hair pic.twitter.com/A7g06btUtw
New research suggests that social media is becoming a "common problem" in Irish marriages, according to The Independent.
Over 3,000 clients took part in a survey in Maynooth over two years which discovered that both men and women find social media and technology "behaviour" causes difficulties in marriages and relationships.
Accord Catholic Marriage Care Service maintains that constant access to technology and phones has taken away the "cooling off" period following an argument.
Social media and finances cause difficulty in marriages – Accord https://t.co/oNviu2tc06 Both men and women agree that technology and social media cause difficulty in their relationships and marriages. #ACCORD
Valentine's Day can put a LOT of pressure on our shoulders (or those of our boyfriends/husbands) when it comes to gifts.
Whether it's the classic present of roses, chocolates or more elaborate ideas like a hotel getaway; you're going to need some good offers because the holiday brings some expenses alongside it.
We've created a list of our top Valentine's Day gifts you can find at the moment, get them before they're gone.
1. Jo Malone London Valentine's Day Floral Box
What better treat to give than the iconic Jo Malone glamorous glass bottle, containing a scent inspired by "seven of the world's finest roses", with a hint of lemon and crushed violet leaves.
Positively dreamy, a little bit like everlasting love. The special floral box is available exclusively from February 7 until Valentine's Day, and we advise pre-ordering because these will absolutely fly out the door.
2. Absolut Vodka: A Drop of Love
Some of us need something stronger for Valentine's Day, and Absolut really is the perfect choice. They've created the Drop of Love bottle; an ink message fed from signs of hatred around the world and turned into a message of love. Pretty inspiring.
The action has been used by the company to show the ability to recycle hatred and create something better from it; for example some UNREAL vodka with natural ingredients and no added sugar.
The Swedish vodka brand love coming up with campaigns with artists, designers and aid organisations, and this Valentine's Day bottle is the best one yet.
3. Jo Malone London Irresistible Pairs
Jo Malone have partnered up their most loved scents to curate the Jo Malone London Power Couples; layer the fragrant duos to create an irresistible pairing on your skin.
Trust us when we say…they smell AMAZING. The New Romantics feature peony and blush suede and wild bluebell for a softly sensual scent, The Sweethearts combine the English pear and freesia with nectarine blossom and honey for a golden pair.
Seaside Soulmates bring together zesty citrus nots with lime basil and mandarin and wood sage and sea salt for a dynamic duo. Lastly, Star-Crossed Lovers pair jasmine sambac and marigold with wood sage and sea salt for a heavenly experience.
We can't gush enough about these, what a beautiful Valentine's treat these would be.
4. Weir & Sons Valentine's Day jewellery collection
This Fabergé Palais Tsarskoye Selo turquoise heart locket pendant is exclusive to Weir & Sons of Grafton Street, Ireland.
It's absolutely stunning, and would certainly attract attention if your lover chose it for around your neck.
We'll be dropping hints left. right and centre for this one. Whoever picks it out for us would truly have our heart in a box.
5. Limited Edition Red Caps & Keepsake Heart-Shaped Box from Jo Malone London
Limited edition red caps are only €5 each along with a free heart-shaped box when you make a purchase between February 1 and February 14, and you can even add a free embossed message, date or initials to the box as an added extra.
It's the first time that the veteran brand are offering a romantic take on Jo Malone London’s signature cream and black packaging; you can acquire the gorgeous heart-shaped box when you buy two or more products in select boutiques in Ireland.
We're heading straight to the shop, we can't let this offer go.
6. L'Occitane Romantic Rose collection
For Valentine's Day, it's only too important to smell and feel your best. We've found the ideal scent for the eve: ROSE. French powerhouse brand L'Occitane have gifted us with a set, that we all both need and deserve.
The gorgeous and elegant fragrance set includes: Rose Eau de Toilette, Rose Shower Gel, Rose Body Lotion and Rose Hand Cream.
L'Occitane 'Romantic Rose' collection is priced at €69 from the L'Occitane website.
7. Bia Beauty facial oil
We are LUSTING after Bia Beauty at the moment; the emerging Irish brand use Mother Nature to deliver 100 percent natural, highly effective, ethically sourced and excellently-packaged products.
Owner Tracey Ryan is a herbal scientist based in Cork, so she has an abundance of fresh ingredients on her doorstep to use, which helped her to create their facial oil.
The nutritious skin product contains rose hip seed oil which is full of anti-oxidants, vitamins and essential fatty acids. Wear it at night to repair and soothe the skin or during the day to boost hydration and plump the skin.
Give it as a gift this Valentine's Day for a woman who desires reduced scarring and increased cell rejuvenation. Gorgeous, Irish and cruelty free: Award-winning Bia Beauty products are definitely made with love.
8. Solid Fragrance Combining Palette by Jo Malone London
A sleek, travel-ready palette is absolutely genius from Jo Malone; it effortlessly encases two solid perfumes for on-the-go scents.
Customers can fill their palette with their choice of two Jo Malone London scents from a selection of ten of the brand’s most-loved, to curate their own pair.
Choose from; Lime Basil & Mandarin, Basil & Neroli, Pomegranate Noir, English Pear & Freesia, Blackberry & Bay, Nectarine Blossom & Honey, Peony & Blush Suede, Mimosa & Cardamom, Wood Sage & Sea Salt and Oud & Bergamot.
The Palette and Refills are available now at Brown Thomas Dublin, get your hands on a pair ASAP before they sell out for Valentine's Day. The cologne's are basically unisex, so they can be bought for man or woman.
9. The Clean Beauty Edit haircare essentials gift-set
Time to go clean and green in 2019; the Clean Beauty Edit are bringing cult, clean beauty brands to Ireland through their gorgeous online boutique.
Olio E Osso, Ilia Beauty, Evolve Organic Beauty, Warpaint, Lily Lolo, Ere Perez and Sun Potion are the brands which Clean Beauty Edit are importing to Ireland,
All products are natural, cruelty-free, toxin-free and sustainably produced and packaged, and their haircare gift-set is GORGEOUS for Valentine's Day. The set includes luxury travel sizes of their Superfood Shine Shampoo, Superfood Shine Conditioner, and Nourishing Hair Elixir.
Their luscious shampoo is formulated with natural cleansers from sugar and coconut which gently cleanse scalp and hair without stripping natural oils. The Baobab proteins boost the shine and organic pomegranate extract rehydrates and protect the hair; what a stunning, thoughtful gift.
10. CraicPack Valentine's Day box for Irish Expats
CraicPack bring some chocolate Irish goodness to everyone at home and abroad. This year they're making a new Valentine's Day box with up to 50 sweets that Irish people living far away miss the most; such nostalgia.
Items included in the adorable box are 10 different types of Dairy Milk, 15 other Cadbury items, Butlers and Love Hearts. Oh, and they even add a box of tea to every pack, because what else would you pair with a chocolate bar? Nothing, that's what.
To help the local community, CraicPack donate up to €5 from every box sold to Focus Ireland to aid the on-going homeless crisis in Ireland. Hon the lads.
11. ÉminenceChocolate Mousse Hydration Masque, Apricot Body Oil and Firm Skin Acai Exfoliating Peel.
Éminence organic skincare is a luxury spa brand that you NEED to hear about, especially for the romance of Valentine's Day. They plant a tree for every product sold; over 10 MILLION to date, and use wind and solar energy for production.
Their peanut inner packing is even made from cornstarch, so it can be composted and is water dissolvable; they really do care about the environment, and their skincare range reflects that.
Not only are they ethical, their newest Valentine's Day products are the perfect present to treat a loved one with.
The Chocolate Mousse Hydration Masque fights the visible signs of ageing. Containing a healthy dose of antioxidant-rich cocoa, which is great for your skin, it's macadamia, almond and jojoba oils also provide deep hydration.
The luxurious Apricot Body Oil is blended with an assortment of essential oils, such as grape seed and jojoba, to create a luscious massage oil that leaves skin feeling irresistibly soft.
Last but not least, the Éminence Firm Skin Acai Exfoliating Peel is an at-home peel that can easily be done before a romantic meal.
12. The Westbury's indulgent romance experience
Valentine's Day always brings an onslaught of great hotel offers, but how can you choose the best one for the most practical price? The Westbury has been voted Ireland's number one hotel by Condé Nast Traveler Readers, and for a good reason.
Enjoy some lavish indulgence in the heart of Dublin by retreating to The Westbury's romance experience. This includes an overnight stay for couples with a romantic rose petal turndown, bottle of chilled champagne, strawberries and delicious chocolates, and a delicious full Irish breakfast in bed in the morning.
‘Romance at the Heart of the Dublin’ with The Westbury is available to book from €450 per room; a great offer considering the prestigious location. Treat yourselves to a trip, you deserve it.
13. Aldi's Valentine's Day alcohol offers: G-in Love
Aldi are offering us something MAJORLY special this Valentine's Day, whether you're waking up to champagne in bed, or heading on a dinner date with gin in mind.
They're giving us the exclusive Boyle’s Alchemy Colour Changing Gin, infused with petals of the Asian butterfly flower, which shifts colour from blue to pale pink with the addition of tonic. Yep, actual. real-life COLOUR-CHANGING GIN.
It’s all to do with the movements in pH, but we can guarantee that this is some magical science.
That's not all they've got up their sleeve; Aldi's DV8 Pink Gin Cream Liqueur is BY FAR the perfect gift. Made by the Irish producers of multi-award-winning Brennan’s Old House Gin, this gorgeous liquor will make anyone's day special.
Aldi have some unique sale offers especially for the most loving day of the year; Veuve Monsigny Champagne Brut NV, the best-selling and award-winning wine from Philizot and Fils is reduced to only €19.99.
Giotti Spumante Rosé, Sparkling Rosé Blosson, Beaujolais Rosé 2018, Fairtrade Moscato Rosé 2018 have each had their prices cut so that love can blossom with a bit of alcohol to help. Even if it's self-love…
14. CND nails Valentine's range
CND are changing the GAME when it comes to nails. For Valentine's Day, why not treat yourself or your significant other to some gorgeous new shades from the iconic brand.
Their new range has stunning pinks, dark berry, ravishing reds and blush tones; show off your romantic side.
Mambo Beat, Rose Bud, Hot Pop Pink, Tinted Love, Wildfire and Dark Lava are ideal for a hot date, or pretty much anything the night has in store. There's a colour for every kind of date.
All of these romantic shades are available in both CND SHELLAC and CND VINYLUX, for longer-lasting looks.
15. 'Hex Your Ex' Galentines book from ASOS
We couldn't forget to include a present for that gal-pal of yours who really needs a humorous Valentine's pick-me-up.
The Hex Your Ex book contains over 100 spells,potions and rituals for getting some petty revenge on that douchebag ex of theirs.
Treat yourself or your BFF, it looks pure gas.
16. PrettyLittleThing Valentines body in red striped lace
This jaw-dropping body from PLT is the perfect treat to yourself or your girlfriend this Valentine's Day.
The red lace and plunge neck will have you feeling sexier than ever, why not give yourself the romantic day you deserve? Spicy AF.
There you have it, our top picks for Valentine's Day gifts this year.
Between perfume, flower arrangements, lavish hotel getaways, skincare and lingerie; it's set to be a GREAT day.
We'd appreciate if someone who adores us can buy us each and every one of these, pretty please?
Let the love rain down this year, if you're single or taken. Like this adorable teddy bear here:
Many of us have the unpleasant experience under our belt of dating an absolute snake. You know the one; the eternal f*ckboi who most likely ghosts you after slithering into your heart, who can't commit to a relationship and even cheats.
He's fluent in Parseltongue and has been a core member of the Slytherin Quidditch team for years.
His best mate is Draco Malfoy, he calls him 'Malfy' for short, and goes golfing with his dad Lucius every Saturday.
He wears Taylor Swift's snake print Reputation merch, but won't listen to her empowering tunes. He makes you pay for both of you on nights out, and flirts with your mates.
He gaslights the crap out of you, and gives double-handed compliments that are disguised as compliments.
Most likely he says he wants more space, even though you barely see him, and tries to argue that your relationship is casual instead of serious, no matter what the circumstances are.
Sounds familiar? Well, we've got some hiss-worthy revenge for you, best served cold.
A competition is being run by Wild Life Sydney to name their brown snakes after a douchebag ex, and requires the entrants to say why their ex best deserves it. GENIUS.
The programme also asks participants to donate to it's conservation fund, to help Australian native wildlife by funding research and education. It's a Valentine's Day treat, if you ask us.
The zoo's general manager, Mark Connolly, said that the competition could give "someone unlucky in love … something else to celebrate on Valentine’s Day this year."
McCary looked dapper as f*ck in a black tuxedo alongside his gorgeous and talented date. The 33-year-old has been a segment writer for the hit comedy show for a number of years.
The duo were first rumoured to be dating in October 2017, but the pair were only snapped on a date recently at a basketball game together.
Stone and McCary originally met in December of 2016, after Stone hosted the show and starred in the Wells for Boys sketch that McCary directed.
Page Six then reported that the pair were quietly dating for three months, since JULY 2017. They kept that pretty hush hush didn't they? Minxes.
Stone has kept a low profile in the dating scene since her last high-profile relationship ended. Andrew Garfield and Stone split back in October 2015 after more than three years of dating, after starring in Spiderman together.
The actress and Garfield were still photographed hanging out together in London in 2016, after Stone flew over to visit him. Garfield has been linked to Rita Ora since November, though neither of them have confirmed the rumours.
LOVE IS IN THE AIR. Except in the oxygen surrounding us, that seems to have gone amiss…