HomeTagsPosts tagged with "relationships"

relationships

Look, it's not a pleasant situation for anyone.

You're single for like a million years, then you happened to magically stumble upon someone who –  at first – seems to tick every box.

Plus he's so pleasant to look at that it hurts and basically you can't believe your luck.

''It's finally happened,'' you proudly tell the gals over G&T's. ''He seems to good to be true, tbh.''

And bam! there's your first clue – if it seems to good to be true, it usually is. 

I've had three relationships in my 24 years, plus a few shorter dalliances and I genuinely never bought the whole excusing-someone's-trash-behaviour-because-you-fancy-the-arse-off-them thing. 

Or maybe I've been lucky to have never gotten tangled up with a narcissist before…whatever. 

But, oh boy, it happens. 

Doesn't the quote go like- "people tell you who they are in the beginning, you just choose not to listen.''

But if you want to avoid heartbreak a few weeks/months down the line, then listen up: if you see more than one of these red flags listed below – run. 

They're non-negotiable, just like your self-respect.

1.  He shows signs of controlling behaviour.

You'll probably read that and say ''omg, obvs! I wouldn't put up with that, no way'', but it can be extremely subtle.

And if they're seasoned at it, it can happen almost without you noticing the first few times – or worse, noticing it and letting it slide.

Warning phrases can be anything to telling you he doesn't like you wearing your hair a certain way/a lot of make-up to ordering for you in restaurants and putting you down in the the pub in front of your mates. 

Don't fall into questioning your self-worth. 

2. He's mean with money 

If he's tight with money, he will be mean in other ways – with his time, his affection, his words.

It just shows bad character and you don't need to voluntarily associate yourself with someone like that. 

3. His actions don't match his words 

Who doesn't love to be told they look fab?

The problem here is when the person you're dating is saying all the right things but in the next breath he's giving you unprompted stories about his ex/past sex life or ogling another person in the bar.

The word for this is: fake. 

 

4. He passes comments on other women/people in general 

I mean, I'm laughing as I type this, this should be a shut-and-close-case of ''he's a sh*thead, what are you doing with him?'' BUT, here me out.

It's early, early days with someone and he says something rude and you're shocked and you pull them up on it, fine, ok. It's when the actions become repeated and they become the norm.

My advice then? He's not a good person, and not worth your precious time. 

5. Something just feels ''off''

This is the worst one. Because it's not tangible.

If you're battling paranoia in the beginning, it won't probably won't get better.

Your gut can tell when something's not right. We might ignore the uneasy feeling in our stomachs, but it's there for a reason. 

Basically, if you're holding back a bit, it's more than likely because you've picked up on energy that he's giving out  – that's what you ''can't put your finger on.''  

Look, you know if someone is genuinely good for you or not. 

I read this the other day and it struck a chord with me; ''No amount of physical attraction or good sex is worth clinging to someone who does not make you feel at peace with yourself.'' 

And to that we say hear, f*cking hear. 

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There comes a certain point in every relationship when you both form a mutual agreement to say bye-bye to loud clubs and over-priced taxis, and hello to Netflix binges and pizza meal deals.

On the surface we'll tell ourselves that we're never going to be that couple, but deep down we're secretly loving those lazy Saturday nights spent on the couch with our other halves. 

And while social media has led to belive that the key to a happy relationship lies in a trek across South East Asia or at the bottom of a zipline in Switzerland, it turns out the answer is actually much simpler.

According to Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k, relationships should “be as boring as possible.”

Speaking to Business Insider, he said: “That sounds really weird to people but if you think about it, a really happy 80-year-old couple that’s been together for 60 years, the reason that they’ve been together for 60 years, it isn’t because they took all these private jets and they had these crazy vacations and “Oh my God, look at their pictures.”

“It’s because that they were able to be boring together.”

It seems that the happiest couples actually live simple lifestyles, spending a lot of their time at home, cooking dinner and talking about the same old stuff day in and day out.

We know what you're thinking – why would you want to spend your life with someone who bores you?

Well, you don't necessarily have to leg it to the nearest library and pick up the most mundane human you can possibly find, but when you do find that special someone it's important that you're comfortable being bored around each other.

Mark continued: “A lot of people…don’t want to be a boring person, like we really want to be interesting people and have interesting lives but the problem is that, that conflicts with what makes a relationship good in a lot of cases.”

“A lot of cases, what makes you an interesting and complex person, makes you a really horrible person to be with romantically.”

“In a strange way, I feel like we need to cultivate more boredom in our lives, like boredom needs to be okay again. It needs to be seen as a good thing and I think it’s definitely a good thing for relationships.”

Hear, hear!

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Moving in together is a big step.

Yeah, it's exciting and the thoughts of having your own place with the person you're mad about sounds fab but think of it realistically.

All privacy is gone and you no longer even have your own personal space, your own bedroom. 

So what about…separate rooms?

It might not be as horrifying as it sounds as a survey of 2,000 couples suggests that sleeping apart could lead to better quality sex.

The research found that four in ten couples sleep apart most nights, and that of these, 34% claim they have better quality sex and more of it, while 38% say that sleeping apart improved their relationship.

Sounds great to us.

So what were the reasons for not sleeping together? 

They included different sleep cycles, their partner moving around too much in bed, having different shift patterns, and snoring. 

A good night’s sleep can help our sex lives, as it increases sexual desire and pleasure so separate beds might do the trick. 

Now it can reduce opportunities for intimacy – 24% of those who slept separately said they had sex less frequently as a result.

So to ensure sexy time stay near the top of the list, schedule sex or just making time for skin-to-skin contact during the day to replace the late-night spooning.

Mind coach Anna Williamson told Metro, ''If your partner is restless in the night, perhaps they snore or breathe heavily, and as a result, keep you awake or disturb you throughout the night, it can be a good idea to sleep apart from your partner in order to catch up on some much-needed sleep.''

She continued, ''Physical contact is essential in keeping a relationship connected. Touching each other releases feel good, love endorphins, and often being in bed can be the best time of the day to communicate effectively with each other. Pillow talk is a really emotionally positive thing to do and it can help you feel safe and secure as you both hopefully drop off to sleep together.''

So why not try it out and see if it works for you and your partner?

Yo never know, it could be the spark to lit both your fires…

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The sex is comfortable, you know what to expect and you know it's going to be good.

Since the break-up, your feelings have changed for your ex, but there's still probably a lot of love there – if he or she isn't a complete assh*le.

Your friends will shame you for letting them back in to your bed – but the next time they go to tell you off, throw them this little chunk of science.

These two studies claim to bust the myth that if you get freaky in the sheets with your ex, you'll delay your ability to move on.

In fact, they say having sex with your ex, even if you're in a horrible place about the split – isn't bad.

The first study, conducted by researchers at Wayne State University, Western University, and the University of Toronto Mississauga asked 113 newbie singles to fill out an online survey.

The newly dumped people were asked if they hooked up with their ex, how they felt emotionally and how attached they felt towards them at the end of the day.

The researchers then conducted a second study, but this time 372 people were questioned about sex with their exes and if they still held any emotional feelings for the ex.

And surprise, surprise – both studies concluded that contrary to popular belief, sex with an ex doesn't prolong heartache.

Additionally, the number of times you get freaky with your ex-lover doesn't play a role either. 

The results actually found it does the opposite – anyone who felt a strong emotional tie to their ex, sought out sex the most because they were trying to fill a void their ex had left.

BUT doing the dirty made them feel BETTER about the breakup – so honey, have your cake and eat it because this is emotionally risk-free.*

“This research suggests that societal handwringing regarding trying to have sex with an ex may not be warranted,” explained lead author Stephanie Spielmann. 

“The fact that sex with an ex is found to be most eagerly pursued by those having difficulty moving on, suggests that we should perhaps instead more critically evaluate people’s motivations behind pursuing sex with an ex,” she added.

So those late night booty calls are all golden baby – happy ridin'.

*This only works if both parties are single, and non-toxic. And don't forget to use protection.

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Porn is something that people watch, be it when they're single or in a relationship.

And while many admit to using it to satisfy their urges, how damaging is it to people's sex lives? 

Can you watch it without consequences?

This recent survey spoke to more than 1,200 men and women to analyse how porn plays into their sex lives. 

The findings were…surprising, to say the least. 

It seems that 1-in-4 men would rather be having sex with the people they see in porn, and this is compared to just 7% of women.

Shocking or duh?

As well as that, even when lacking arousal for their partner, 37% of women will only watch porn once-a-week; however, 39% of men that share those feelings watch porn every day. 

Worrying figures show that more than half of women have an easier time achieving orgasm while watching porn than they do while having sex –  what is going on guys?!

The ease of access to porn is a cause for concern.

What about couples watching it together – does it help or hinder their action between the sheets? 

Sixty percent said that they do, but a quarter of men said they'd rather have sex with the individuals in the porn they viewed than their real-life partners.

What's strange about it all is that the more men watched porn, the less likely to be turned on by their partners they were and the more frequently women watched porn, the more likely they were to feel aroused by their partners.

It seems that consuming porn is a slippery slope – maybe more of us should give our partners the time and attention they deserve in the bedroom, and leave watching sex on the screen altogether. 

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When it comes to sex, we all know there's a first time for everything, and that includes a visit to the sexual health clinic.

But before we go any further and delve into the details of your debut appointment, it's important to remember that there is not a single thing you can present to a healthcare professional that they won't have seen before.

And now that that's out of the way, it's time to focus on the practicalities of your visit.

The wait

Look, no one exactly relishes the prospect of prolonged stay in a crowded waiting room.

And when that waiting room is littered with pamphlets that are enough to make your imagination run wild, the waiting game is made all the more agonising.

So, in order to make your first visit as stress-free as possible, be sure to research your chosen clinic, and establish whether they provide appointment slots or operate on a walk-in basis.

Upon arriving, you'll generally be presented with a form which you'll fill out and return to reception. Providing the correct details is vital in order to receive your results, so this is not the time to go incognito.

Sexual History

Once the wait is over, you'll be brought to a private room where you will meet your healthcare professional who will do their utmost to put you at ease.

The slot will generally begin with a chat about your sexual history. And again, this is not the time to get coy.

Be honest, be candid and be prepared to answer questions that may make you squirm, but don't, above anything else, be embarrassed.

You are taking responsibility for your health, and there's not a single person in that clinic who will have anything but respect for you.

Physical check-up

And now comes the moment to hop aboard the examination table.

Your practitioner will talk you through everything they need to do, and explain the process as they go. You can expect to have your genital area checked for rashes or lesions, a smear test  conducted depending on your age, and a swab of your throat, vagina and anus depending on your sexual history.

Your practitioner will ensure the examination is as brief and comfortable as possible. And yes, you can be examined while on your period, but if you'd rather wait that's totally up to you.

In addition to this, you may be required to give a blood and urine sample so the practitioner can test for HIV, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C and Syphilis

Results

Following your examination, your practitioner will talk you through the clinic's follow-up procedure, and explain how soon you can expect the results of your visit.

Some results can be provided on the day and if you have tested positive for a particular infection, you'll be prescribed medication and given a thorough overview of the treatment required.

This post-examination period is your opportunity to ask any questions you may have regarding your visit or your sexual practice.

Whether you're unclear of symptoms to look out for, unsure of the reason for a particular test or need clarification on the results procedure, do not bite your tongue, but instead speak up and ensure you leave your appointment with a clear idea of what just took place and what to expect in the future.

And once it's over? Go treat yo'self for prioritising your health and taking responsibility for your welfare.
 

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Look, we all thought that by the age of 25 we would be married and living in a lavish house, spending our Sundays browsing around home stores and buying the expensive candles.

Alas, society shifted on it's arse and most of us are lucky at to have moved out of our parents house and into an overpriced box falsely given the name 'an apartment' before our 25th birthday.

So it comes as no surprise that us millennials are suffering from something that never before existed and that is 'the quarter life crisis'.

When you cop that you haven't lived up to their own expectations by a certain age, it can be crushing.

As this study shows.

More than 1,000 people aged between 23 and 39 were surveyed to see what factors they believed affected their life satisfaction.

It showed that 30 percent of married people who were going through a quarter-life crisis thought that they had settled for their other half. 

Those who blamed the pressure to get hitched in adding to their depressive state made up 17 percent and 16 percent blamed it on the pressure to get pregnant. 

 

And it found out that 2 in 3 people had experienced the quarter life crisis. 

Do you agree?

 

 

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Most of us think about sex at least once a day, it's a perfectly natural phenomenon that's an integral aspect of our lives.

Of course, it's important to acknowledge that asexuality exists too, and people with low sex drives for whatever reason, medical or not. So if you're not having erotic fantasies, don't fret.

One question is on our minds at this moment in time: How can we know what generation were the biggest fantasy-addicts of them all, though? That's easy: Science.

masturbating sex and the city GIF

A new study has confirmed that modern women spend THREE TIMES as long dreaming about sex than the women of the 1970s.

The sexual revolution of the late 20th century and falling levels of shame around the taboo of sexuality are thought to be behind the latest spicy trend.

Researchers from the University of Freiburg in Germany asked 2,907 participants aged between 16 and 92-years-old about their sexy-time dreams, and the results are fascinating.

sex and the city its dicklicious GIF

Women under 30 years of age claimed that one-fifth of their dreams were erotic, while for men in the same age group it was one-quarter.

A previous survey from 50 years ago discovered that women thought about sex during sleep only one-third as much as modern ladies.

The gap between genders has closed over time, which the journal Psychology & Sexuality puts down to the rise of feminism and an awareness of intersexuality, queer culture and communication.

 

gym jones GIF

The report stated: "One might speculate that younger women in modern society deal with sexuality more openly that older women of previous generations."

An erotic dream is defined as having "sexually motivated" activity, such as flirting and kissing. The scientists from the University of Freiburg in Germany also found that 83.8 percent of two sexes had experienced a wet dream.

Studies which took place back in 1966 and 1998 found less than four percent of women and 12 percent of men confessed to having sex dreams. Maybe they were just being coy? 

samantha jones gif

The research didn't go into the type of sex dreams women were experiencing in the past and present, which would be interesting to dig into.

Dream away gals, it's a healthy part of your lifestyle and is proven to influence the development of your sexual preferences.

You're essentially carrying out important scientific experimentation in your own brain, right?

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While we love our romantic partners dearly, there are few things in life we cherish as much as spending time with our best friend.

From those times we laugh so much it hurts to those difficult moments when they're a shoulder to cry on, our BFFs are absolute gems.

There's nothing like just hanging out with our bestie for the evening, listening to music or drinking wine or talking about literally anything under the sun.

It's no wonder, then, that a recent survey shows that just over 50 percent of UK women said they feel closer to their best friend than their husband.

The 1,517 survey respondents gave a number of reasons for why they prefer their BFF to their significant other, with communication playing an especially big role.

57 percent of women who prefer their best friend to their husband said that it was because they can talk to their favourite gal pal about everything, Metro reports.

The research by Champneys also showed that 45 percent of women prefer their bestie because she listens to them more.

As well, 44 percent said that they could tell their best friend things that they didn't feel they could tell their partner.

When it comes to enjoying indulgent pleasures, 30 percent of the 1,517 women polled said they'd rather spend a boozy brunch with their mates than their partner.

Men are also apparently missing out on the spa days, with 54 percent of the respondents said they'd prefer to spend a pampering session with their pals than with their husband.

With those results in mind, we weren't surprised to hear that 60 percent of women reported that their all-female social gatherings would be better if men didn't intrude at all.

So here's to our BFFs – they've seen us through the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly.

 

How do you feel about the survey's results?

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So, if you've ever dabbled in the world of online dating you'll know that height is a big factor when searching for a partner. 

Most daters feel obliged to share their inches with potential matches, and it seems they may have good reason. 

According to a recent study, couples with the biggest height differences, specially shorter gals and taller guys, actually have the happiest relationships. 

Researchers surveyed 8,000 participants and found that both men and women enjoyed greater relationship satisfaction in a tall/short pairing. 

The results also revealed how taller men are assumed to be more trustworthy and capable by employers, making them more likely to earn raises or promotions.

As with most of our romantic instincts, it seems evolution has a big part to play. Going back to prehistoric times, women were more attracted to taller men as they were seen to be better hunter-gathers. 

“Although it has been known that women prefer tall men in mating for evolutionary reasons, no study has investigated whether a taller husband makes his wife happier. A greater height difference in a couple was positively related to the wife's happiness,” explains Dr Sohn in the Journal Of Personality and Individual Differences. 

However, the study found height is only a factor for the first 18 years of marriage. After 18 years, height doesn't matter.

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Let's imagine for a moment that the annual occasions which help to punctuate our year were comparable to the various elements that help comprise your standard Catholic mass.

Christmas is – no prizes for guesses – the moment the priest tells you to go in peace to love and serve the Lord.

"We did it, lads. We made it. And now there's a roast at home!"

Halloween is the slow walk back to the pew after Communion  – you haven't quite made it to Christmas, but you're almost there.

"Not long to go now, gang. Hold tight."

And Valentine's Day is the moment you're forced to shake hands with everyone around you.

"Jesus, are we still doing this? Sorry… sorry… and also with you."

You understand the sentiment behind it, you know you should probably embrace it, but Jesus Christ, it's awkward, it's unnecessary and it's something you tend to forget about until the bloke next to you shoves a meaty palm in your direction.

There's a common misperception that men are the ones who dismiss Valentine's Day as a moneymaking scam while us women dreamily trail our hands along shelves which are heaving under the weight of doe-eyes teddy bears, just hoping our other half will see fit to present us with one in February.

For Jaysus sake.

There are very few women I know who wouldn't, when presented with a soft toy clutching a satin loveheart, not immediately think "And where am I supposed to put the shaggin' thing?"

Common folklore would also have us believe that the single, ready-to-mingle Pringles among us actively loathe couples on Valentine's Day, but they're not the only ones.

The truth is, couples loathe couples on Valentine's Day.

Couples loathe everything on Valentine's Day, in fact.

The loathe the pressure, they loathe choosing cards, they loathe their attempts at sentimental prose, they loathe the fact they can't get a table at their favourite restaurant, and they really loathe being told that they're lucky they're in a relationship on February 14.

Because, really, what difference does it make? Single or taken, you still end up envying the couples who seem to do it… well… right.

Just picture it — while you're hissing at your other half across the table of your fourth favourite restaurant (pre-covid), your peripheral vision is drawn to a couple behaving exactly how they should be – in love.

While you're muttering that your other half doesn't have the decency to help you into your coat, you notice some bloke practically carrying his girlfriend's handbag.

And while you question your inability to eat without getting it all over yourself, you spot two gobshites practically feeding each other across the table.

Valentine's Day is little more than 24 hours which abruptly throws your relationship into the spotlight, and forces you to acknowledge its various shortcomings while you agonise over everyone else's strengths.

And if you're one of those couples that doesn't hate Valentine's Day, rest assured everyone hates you.

And it's mostly because we're jealous.
 

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Fancied yourself as a star-crossed love? Ever wonder if you and your other half were meant to be?

Well we have the answer right here, from your best traits in love to who you're best matched to, we got you covered! 

Aquarius (January 20- February 19)

A fire sign, to attract an Aquarius you need to be up for some deep conversations. Super loyal and committed, they like to view their other halves as equals and give them the space they deserve. Enter a Leo or a Sagittarius- independent yet intellectual! 

Pisces (February 19- March 20)

You're just a big softie aren't you, you Pisces?! Don't look to to a Pisces for a short fling- they're in it for the long-haul. Deep in their hearts, Pisces-born are incorrigible romantics. They need a strong and stable earth sign, like a Virgo or a Taurus to keep up with them. 

Aries (March 20- April 19)

You know that person that blurts out the 'L' word way to early in a relationship? That's an Aries for you! They love the first rush of knew love, but need a stimulating and complex partner to keep them interested in the long term. Best matches are with a balanced and diplomatic Libra or an equally feisty Leo. 

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

The careful and steady bull, a Taurus is slow to open up- but definitely worth it once they do! Stubborn to the point of infuriating, a Taurus won't back down and will cling on to those they love with dear life. Paired with a confident Scorpio or an emotional Cancer will make for the strongest relationships. 

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

A Gemini will be a talker, so unless you're willing to stay up swapping childhood tales until 3 am then move on. Communication and physical contact are key for a Gemini- and they could even come across as a bit of a flirt. Choosing a partner with the same zest for life, like Aquarius or Sagittarius, is super important. 

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Cancer's wear their hearts on their sleeves. Gestures are important to Cancers than superficial chat and they love the romance in the little things. A lover of their own space, in the long term a Cancer would much prefer someone that will chill on the couch with Netflix over a wild adventure. They suit equally homely signs like a patient Taurus or a committed Capricorn. 

Leo (July 23- August 22)

Ah Leo, the king of the jungle and ruler of all. They like to be in control of a relationship, it's their way or they highway. But when in love, they are fun, loyal, respectful and very generous towards their loved one. A partner for a Leo needs to be someone that can handle their own and express themselves- such as a Aquarius and Gemini. 

Virgo (August 23- September 22)

Opposites will always attract a Virgo. Logical and reserved, they require a lot of time and patience to get to know. On the outside they are charismatic but they guard their hearts and true feelings closely. They need an partner that's not afraid to say how they really feel, and show them the way to open themselves up to more communication. The work best emotional signs like Pisces and Cancer. 

Libra (September 23- October 22)

Libra's love the idea of 2.5 kids and a white picket fence, but their status as an air sign means that they're flexible. However, this flexibility might mean they give more to a partner than they really should, for a Libra to thrive they need clear communication and boundaries. Matched best with an Aries or Sagittarius, a Libra will provide the stability for these fire signs. 

Scorpio (October 23- November 21)

Oh, hello Scorpio! The most sensual (cough, cough) of all the signs, are passionate about their partners. However quick they adapt to physical relationships, it takes them a bit longer to enter relationships and build trust and respect for their other halves. But once you have it, it's yours for life. They work best with signs like Taurus and Cancer, signs of multiple layers a Scorpio can keep peeling. 

Sagittarius (November 22- December 21)

If you're looking for a merry-go-round of fun than look no further than a Sagittarius! Playful and humorous, to keep a Sagittarius interested you need to keep presenting them with exciting adventures. They love to mix things up so they need a partner, like a Gemini or an Aries, that will hold the map on their spontaneous road trips. 

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

Capricorns are a tough nut to crack, it can often be years once their walls fully come down. But once you manage to worm your way into a Capricorns heart you're there forever. Not big talkers, they will show how much they care in gestures over words. Romance for a Capricorn looks more like a cleaned house than a bundle of flowers. Their hidden sensitvity matches them best with a steady Taurus or a home-bird like Cancer. 

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