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relationships

Look, it's not a pleasant situation for anyone.

You're single for like a million years, then you happened to magically stumble upon someone who –  at first – seems to tick every box.

Plus he's so pleasant to look at that it hurts and basically you can't believe your luck.

''It's finally happened,'' you proudly tell the gals over G&T's. ''He seems to good to be true, tbh.''

And bam! there's your first clue – if it seems to good to be true, it usually is. 

I've had three relationships in my 24 years, plus a few shorter dalliances and I genuinely never bought the whole excusing-someone's-trash-behaviour-because-you-fancy-the-arse-off-them thing. 

Or maybe I've been lucky to have never gotten tangled up with a narcissist before…whatever. 

But, oh boy, it happens. 

Doesn't the quote go like- "people tell you who they are in the beginning, you just choose not to listen.''

But if you want to avoid heartbreak a few weeks/months down the line, then listen up: if you see more than one of these red flags listed below – run. 

They're non-negotiable, just like your self-respect.

1.  He shows signs of controlling behaviour.

You'll probably read that and say ''omg, obvs! I wouldn't put up with that, no way'', but it can be extremely subtle.

And if they're seasoned at it, it can happen almost without you noticing the first few times – or worse, noticing it and letting it slide.

Warning phrases can be anything to telling you he doesn't like you wearing your hair a certain way/a lot of make-up to ordering for you in restaurants and putting you down in the the pub in front of your mates. 

Don't fall into questioning your self-worth. 

2. He's mean with money 

If he's tight with money, he will be mean in other ways – with his time, his affection, his words.

It just shows bad character and you don't need to voluntarily associate yourself with someone like that. 

3. His actions don't match his words 

Who doesn't love to be told they look fab?

The problem here is when the person you're dating is saying all the right things but in the next breath he's giving you unprompted stories about his ex/past sex life or ogling another person in the bar.

The word for this is: fake. 

 

4. He passes comments on other women/people in general 

I mean, I'm laughing as I type this, this should be a shut-and-close-case of ''he's a sh*thead, what are you doing with him?'' BUT, here me out.

It's early, early days with someone and he says something rude and you're shocked and you pull them up on it, fine, ok. It's when the actions become repeated and they become the norm.

My advice then? He's not a good person, and not worth your precious time. 

5. Something just feels ''off''

This is the worst one. Because it's not tangible.

If you're battling paranoia in the beginning, it won't probably won't get better.

Your gut can tell when something's not right. We might ignore the uneasy feeling in our stomachs, but it's there for a reason. 

Basically, if you're holding back a bit, it's more than likely because you've picked up on energy that he's giving out  – that's what you ''can't put your finger on.''  

Look, you know if someone is genuinely good for you or not. 

I read this the other day and it struck a chord with me; ''No amount of physical attraction or good sex is worth clinging to someone who does not make you feel at peace with yourself.'' 

And to that we say hear, f*cking hear. 

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While we love our romantic partners dearly, there are few things in life we cherish as much as spending time with our best friend.

From those times we laugh so much it hurts to those difficult moments when they're a shoulder to cry on, our BFFs are absolute gems.

There's nothing like just hanging out with our bestie for the evening, listening to music or drinking wine or talking about literally anything under the sun.

It's no wonder, then, that a recent survey shows that just over 50 percent of UK women said they feel closer to their best friend than their husband.

The 1,517 survey respondents gave a number of reasons for why they prefer their BFF to their significant other, with communication playing an especially big role.

57 percent of women who prefer their best friend to their husband said that it was because they can talk to their favourite gal pal about everything, Metro reports.

The research by Champneys also showed that 45 percent of women prefer their bestie because she listens to them more.

As well, 44 percent said that they could tell their best friend things that they didn't feel they could tell their partner.

When it comes to enjoying indulgent pleasures, 30 percent of the 1,517 women polled said they'd rather spend a boozy brunch with their mates than their partner.

Men are also apparently missing out on the spa days, with 54 percent of the respondents said they'd prefer to spend a pampering session with their pals than with their husband.

With those results in mind, we weren't surprised to hear that 60 percent of women reported that their all-female social gatherings would be better if men didn't intrude at all.

So here's to our BFFs – they've seen us through the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly.

 

How do you feel about the survey's results?

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Dating in your twenties is a dangerous game. Whether you're looking for a passionate fling, or something a little more serious, chances are you're going to get hurt pretty bad at some point.

Well, a new study has revealed why twenty-somethings struggle when it comes to staying faithful to their partners, and the answer is so cliché it almost hurts – we're just trying to find ourselves.

Yep. Turns out we're as predictable as the plot twist in a Hugh Grant film, and we hate being tied down at that pivotal point in our lives.

The study, published in the Journal of Sex Research, surveyed 104 adults with an average age of 22, who all admitted to cheating in the last six months.

To make them feel a little better about themselves and encourage total honesty throughout the survey, participants were given a paragraph to read about how common cheating is.

They were then questioned about their current and past relationships, had their attachment to their current partners analysed and were asked to explain the ins and outs of how they cheated.

Interestingly, most participants did not try to make excuses for being unfaithful, but rather explained that they did it for reasons related to independence and interdependence.

Most felt as though their relationship was holding them back from new experiences and stopped them from reaching their full potential as an adult.

When it came to issues related to interdependence, many participants said their current partner was not fulfilling their need for intimacy, they felt lonely, or they didn't have enough in common.

The study's authors said: "Because emerging adulthood is thought to be a time of exploration and experimentation, it is possible that engaging in infidelity is a path through which individuals seek to meet their developmental needs for independence and interdependence and promote their individual development." 

Basically young people cheat because they have no idea who they are or what they want, apparently.

Others reasons cited by participants included boredom and excitement as well as being under the influence of alcohol – *eye-roll*

So, go out and find yourself, but just try not to hurt anyone during the process. 

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There are many things we’d like to forget about our teenage years; the emo phase, the streaky tan, the concealer covered lips, the cringey duck face poses and most of all- your first crush.

Whether it was the boy who lived down the street or Disney’s ‘It Boy’ of the time Zac Efron, we all had our fair share of playground and popstar crushes.

There are many we’d like to forget, especially ones whose names will forever be scribbled in the back of our geography copies.

We develop crushes from quite a young age, the average being aged 12, but we can’t help but wonder why we feel this way.

What causes the butterflies in our stomachs, the glint in our eye when we spot them in town, the feeling of frustration when we don’t hear from them and that elation when we do?

We spoke to psychologist Rachel Tomlinson about catching feels, feeling smitten and the impact it all has on our mind.

First things first, why on earth do we fall for people? We all understand just how complicated and stressful dating and relationships can be, so why does our mind crave affection like there’s no tomorrow?

“We have these feelings because humans are social creatures and we are driven to try and form relationships with other people.

“We want relationships and crave them. These relationships keep us safe, both mentally and physically and having reciprocal and positive relationships is good for our health and stress levels,” Rachel explained.

We all want to find the Harry to our Meghan, the Miley to our Liam and the Beyoncé to our Jay-Z, but it isn’t as straightforward as we wish it was.

We fret about what to wear for that first date, we panic about coming across as too eager or whether we are making a good impression.

We beat ourselves up when they don’t respond to us, we worry about winning them over or if they’re ‘the one’.

The impact it has on our mind is pretty intense at times. 

“Having strong, mutually beneficial relationships (including romantic ones) make us feel good and give us a sense of social connection which is healthy. However, issues can arise when relationships end or crushes aren’t reciprocated.

“If people have recently become single or are experiencing overwhelming feelings of love and lust that aren’t returned it can result in stress, lowered immunity, poor physical and potentially exacerbate mental health issues,” she stressed.

We all want a significant other, crush or lover to feel the same as we do. We crave that attention, love and desire like a cup of coffee at 6 am on a Monday morning.

“Your brain responds to this attraction by signalling the release of chemicals: dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin. These are feel-good chemicals and people can experience excitement, excess physical energy (including heart racing, sweaty palms etc) and giddy/joyful feelings,” Rachel continued.

Testosterone and oestrogen are also released and we feel lust.

This combination of chemicals gives us a rush like no other, but they can become addictive. “People often find that they crave the presence of their crush to get more of those feelings, resulting in (sometimes) quite obsessive thought patterns. Having a crush can feel as though your brain and body have been hijacked by this new love (or lust).”

It’s a natural feeling that has been built into our minds for generations and generations. Your 85-year-old granny once got butterflies at a dance in the 1950s. Your mam definitely swooned over Rob Lowe during the 1980s. Your big brother definitely shed secret tears when his childhood crush went to the debs with his best friend. Your co-worker certainly worries about what to wear on that all too important first date. The guy sitting next to you on the bus no doubt gets butterflies when bumping into his college love after years apart.

It’s a feeling we’re all going to have to get used to because as Emily Dickinson once said ‘the heart want what it wants or else it does not care.'

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Discovering your other half has cheated on you has to be one of the most soul-destroying experiences a person can endure.

Even though it should never be considered a reflection on you, it undoubtedly leads most of us to question ourselves, our self-worth and our impression of other people.

So far, so hideous, right? Well, according to scientists, the experience isn't ALL bad, and actually helps the injured parties in more ways than we can ever imagine when we're crying ourselves to sleep and forgetting to wash our hair.

In a study conducted by Binghamton University in conjunction with University College London, researchers asked more than 5,500 participants to assess the repercussions of failed relationships and the outcome of infidelity.

According to the researchers' findings, women who have been cheated on tend to develop higher levels of emotional intelligence.

Commenting on this, research associate Craig Morris said: "Most women who have lost a mate to another women report a 'silver lining' of higher mating intelligence."

"What this means, in their words, is that they are more attuned to cues of infidelity in a future mate, more aware of how other women interact with their mate, have more self confidence and more self-awareness, and independence in general," he concluded.

In the words of Kelis, might trick me once, I won't let you trick me twice…

 

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Shifting a co-worker at the office Christmas party might seem like one of the biggest clichés going, new research has shown that it could signal the beginning of a long and meaningful relationship.

Drinks are flowing, the office is closed and for one night a year, all inhibitions go out the window.

Maybe it's that guy from finance you've been eyeing up since he told you your hair looked nice one day, or perhaps all that wine will make you see you work husband/wife in a whole new light – either way, it's pretty likely you'll fall into someone's arms at the end of the night.

In fact, according to a recent study conducted by Instantprint, almost half of all office workers will have some kind of work related romance this festive season.

What's more, 53 percent of those who end up sharing a sneaky shift will end up being in long-term relationships, with one-third of those couples staying together for over a year.

The study also shows that those who work in HR are the most nervous about going to work the day after the Christmas party – though they were also shown to be the ones most likely to get “embarrassingly drunk,” so we're guessing that those go hand-in-hand, really.

Oh, and if you are looking for love this festive season, set your sight on that ride in IT – apparently they're the most likely to kiss someone.

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Ansel Elgort has opened up about his relationship with ballerina, Violetta Komyshan.

The couple have been together since 2012, but the actor stressed that he hopes to have a non-sexual open relationship in the future.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

A post shared by VIOLETTA KOMYSHAN (@violetta) on

The Goldfinch star spoke to The Times about wanting more platonic love in his life, despite being in a steady relationship with Violetta.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

A post shared by Ansel Elgort (@ansel) on

 “I’d also like to find a lot more love. It doesn’t need to be sexual. I could be done sexually with my girlfriend.

"I think we’ve been pretty clear that I want to feel free to fall in love with people and that [option] should be open, but sexually it can be closed off.”

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

A post shared by VIOLETTA KOMYSHAN (@violetta) on

The Fault In Our Stars actor said he loves a number of his male friends, “I’m in love with a bunch of my male friends who I’m not interested in having sex with, so why can’t I put the desire to have sex with women aside and let myself have love with women?”

Speaking of his co-star, Shailene Woodley, he said, “I love Shailene Woodley and we never had anything sexual and that was great. 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

A post shared by Ansel Elgort (@ansel) on

“There will probably be some sort of chemical thing at some point that you can’t help, but you just have to be disciplined and not be a f******…We’re primitive beings.”

The Goldfinch is now in cinemas.

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Look, we all thought that by the age of 25 we would be married and living in a lavish house, spending our Sundays browsing around home stores and buying the expensive candles.

Alas, society shifted on it's arse and most of us are lucky at to have moved out of our parents house and into an overpriced box falsely given the name 'an apartment' before our 25th birthday.

So it comes as no surprise that us millennials are suffering from something that never before existed and that is 'the quarter life crisis'.

When you cop that you haven't lived up to their own expectations by a certain age, it can be crushing.

As this study shows.

More than 1,000 people aged between 23 and 39 were surveyed to see what factors they believed affected their life satisfaction.

It showed that 30 percent of married people who were going through a quarter-life crisis thought that they had settled for their other half. 

Those who blamed the pressure to get hitched in adding to their depressive state made up 17 percent and 16 percent blamed it on the pressure to get pregnant. 

 

And it found out that 2 in 3 people had experienced the quarter life crisis. 

Do you agree?

 

 

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We've all been casually swiping left on a loop until a gorgeous Golden Retriever stops us in our tracks.

Be it a golden-furred Labrador beauty, a tiny terrier puppy with baby paws or a King Charles; dogs melt our hearts and urge us to swipe right.

Many of us believe that inserting dog photos into our dating profiles will garner us more dating app matches, but now a representative from OkCupid may just have confirmed this.

Elite Daily spoke to Michael Kaye, Global Communications Manager at OkCupid, and according to him, adding pictures of dogs in your dating app profile is proven to make it more successful when it comes to matches;

"We actually have millions of dog mentions in OkCupid profiles," Kaye says.

"Users with dog mentions have a higher probability of initial conversation over those with cat mentions. They also have a higher reply rate."

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

A post shared by  (@citruslucy) on

OkCupid also discovered that a love of dogs is something most people agree on; 

"We found that 81 percent of men and 80 percent of women on OkCupid like dogs," Kaye continues. "Additionally, 84 percent of women and 80 percent of men either own a dog or would love to."

Kaye also claims that has been a 422 percent increase in dog mentions on OkCupid profiles since 2017. Everyone must be catching on to the trend…

Gabrielle Aboodi, the Senior Account Executive for Tinder, also told Elite Daily that dating app users are in love with doggos.

"Users typically respond to photos that include animals or travelling shots," she says, adding that roughly 10 percent of both men and women include dogs in their photos.

UK-based pet food company Webbox carried out a two-week social experiment called Pet Wingman, where they tried to find out whether including your dog in your Tinder or Bumble profile boosted your chances of finding a match, and the results were positive.

Women saw an increase of 69 percent more matches when they included a dog in one or more of their pictures, while men saw an increase of 38 percent more matches.

For Tinder, women received 117 percent more matches, 150 percent more messages, 100 percent more super likes, and 122 percent more total interactions.

Men on Tinder received 30 percent more matches, 75 percent more messages, 200 percent more super likes, and 53 percent more total interactions.

Dog photos lead to just as much success on Bumble as they did on Tinder for male users of the app.

For Bumble, women received 22 percent more matches, 100 percent more super likes, and 30 percent more total interactions, while men on Bumble received 45 percent more matches, 40 percent more messages, and 39 percent more total interactions.

"Bumble users often include photos of their pets on their profiles, but they can also use Bumble filters and badges to specially match with people that are also dog lovers," Bumble's Global PR Coordinator Sang Lee commented.

"In fact, our data shows that our pet badge is one of the most popular badges alongside our star sign badge."

There you have it, single ladies and gents. Ruffly the entire population loves woofers, so kickstart that photoshoot and add some swipe right-worthy paw pics to your profile.

You'd be barking mad not to (sorry…).

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Most of us think about sex at least once a day, it's a perfectly natural phenomenon that's an integral aspect of our lives.

Of course, it's important to acknowledge that asexuality exists too, and people with low sex drives for whatever reason, medical or not. So if you're not having erotic fantasies, don't fret.

One question is on our minds at this moment in time: How can we know what generation were the biggest fantasy-addicts of them all, though? That's easy: Science.

masturbating sex and the city GIF

A new study has confirmed that modern women spend THREE TIMES as long dreaming about sex than the women of the 1970s.

The sexual revolution of the late 20th century and falling levels of shame around the taboo of sexuality are thought to be behind the latest spicy trend.

Researchers from the University of Freiburg in Germany asked 2,907 participants aged between 16 and 92-years-old about their sexy-time dreams, and the results are fascinating.

sex and the city its dicklicious GIF

Women under 30 years of age claimed that one-fifth of their dreams were erotic, while for men in the same age group it was one-quarter.

A previous survey from 50 years ago discovered that women thought about sex during sleep only one-third as much as modern ladies.

The gap between genders has closed over time, which the journal Psychology & Sexuality puts down to the rise of feminism and an awareness of intersexuality, queer culture and communication.

 

gym jones GIF

The report stated: "One might speculate that younger women in modern society deal with sexuality more openly that older women of previous generations."

An erotic dream is defined as having "sexually motivated" activity, such as flirting and kissing. The scientists from the University of Freiburg in Germany also found that 83.8 percent of two sexes had experienced a wet dream.

Studies which took place back in 1966 and 1998 found less than four percent of women and 12 percent of men confessed to having sex dreams. Maybe they were just being coy? 

samantha jones gif

The research didn't go into the type of sex dreams women were experiencing in the past and present, which would be interesting to dig into.

Dream away gals, it's a healthy part of your lifestyle and is proven to influence the development of your sexual preferences.

You're essentially carrying out important scientific experimentation in your own brain, right?

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Tens of thousands of Irish people are facing their romantic and sex lives being damaged by chronic pain, a study revealed yesterday.

1.65 million sufferers nationwide live with acute and persistent discomfort in Ireland, which takes a toll on work, sleep, leisure and relationships.

35 percent of study participants claimed that the persistent pain had deeply affected their sex lives, with 17 percent saying their pain had a huge impact on their physical relationships.

Chronic pain is defined by health experts and doctors as over 12 weeks of consistent pain, with the Irish Society of Chartered Physiotherapists saying three-out-of-four sufferers can't live regular lives

Among those with chronic pain, almost half reported that their ability to sleep had been damaged. 

Dr Brona Fullen of the UCD School of Public Health said:

“Living with persistent pain is not easy. Not only does it impact on on physical well-being but also your mental health. Emotions such as worry, stress, anxiety, low mood, fear and anger can develop.”

The survey interviewed 1,000 people, with 434 reporting that they had suffered chronic pain at one part in their lives.

75 percent said that it had a negative impact on their social activities and exercise. 70 percent of sufferers admitted that it damaged their ability to take part in family life and playing with their children.

Chronic pain is costing the taxpayer billions each year, according to the ISCP. This Sunday marks World Physiotherapy Day, with the 2019 theme being chronic pain.

The normal tissue healing frame is three-to-six months, and most chronic pain conditions have no apparent biological value. The causes and cures of female pain disorders are especially under-researched.

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The long-held absurd belief that men have massive libidos and women are pretty indifferent when it comes to sex is still a prominent myth in our society, and new research proves this point.

A new study commissioned by the End Violence Against Women Coalition has shown that almost half of people still reckon that men have stronger sex drives than women.

3,922 British adults were quizzed on heterosexual relationships, and one-third of people (32 percent) think men need sex more than women (WOW) compared to only one percent who said the opposite.

45 percent of the study's participants said that they think a man is more likely to initiate sex, compared with three percent who believe the opposite. 

43 percent said that both sexes were equally responsible for starting sex. One-in-10 of respondents claimed that a woman decides when the intimate act has finished, compared with 36 percent for men and 38 percent who said both.

"Although it's good to find that three-quarters of adults believe men and women are both likely to enjoy sex, what we clearly also have are persistent, widely held views about who sex is primarily 'for', who 'needs' it and whose pleasure matters,” said Sarah Green, director of the organisation.

"This is a cornerstone of equality as much as equal pay and shared parenting, but 'the orgasm gap' is perhaps not as widely discussed as some other key equality issues."

Interestingly, pensioners are more likely than 18-24-year-olds to believe both partners enjoy sex. People aged 65 and older felt both a man and woman would equally enjoy sex.

Among 18-24-year-olds, just 25 percent believe having sex is a mutual decision, while 50 percent think it is up to the man to decide. Just 10 percent believe it’s up to women to choose whether they have sex.

7 percent think women are more likely to "go along with sex to keep their partner happy", compared with only 2 percent who thought the same of men.

Dr Fiona Vera Gray, research fellow at Durham Law School and expert on sexual harassment and pornography, said: "This report shows how far we've got to go in changing outdated ideas about women as sexual gatekeepers."

Research has recently proven that men and women are equally aroused by sexual images, showing that sex makes no difference to the response to sexual visual stimuli.

The Max Planck Institute for Biological Cybernetics in Tübingen, Germany published the news in the scientific journal PNAS last month, saying; "Erotic pictures and videos are widely assumed to induce differential response due to sexual duality," the researchers stated.

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