If there's one feeling that's overwhelmed me for the past seven-or-odd months since the Harvey Weinstein sexual abuse allegations brought legions of powerful men tumbling down, it's exhaustion.
I've found myself tired not because I'm sad about celebrated male heroes crumbling; there are plenty of wonderful women ready to stand in their place. No, it is exhausting because, as singer-songwriter Amanda Palmer puts it so well, it's 'so ridiculously awful'.
However, her song 'Mr Weinstein Will See You Now' gave me a new feeling. It's hard to capture, but something about the swelling storm of strings and her voice mixing with that of Welsh artist Jasmine Power sparked a sense of catharsis within me.
Palmer and Power tackle the subject of sexual assault head-on, opting for a brutally frank title rather than the working name 'The Hotel Room'. The 42-year-old artist contacted Rose McGowan, who accused Weinstein of rape, and the actress gave them her blessing to call the track 'Mr Weinstein Will See You Now'.
Speaking with Palmer, I asked her if she planned on getting in touch with any of the other women who have spoken out against Weinstein.
"I would love to connect with some of those women and to share the song with them. I don't know any of them apart from Rose," she said.
While the musician would like to reach out to those affected, she is also cautious about doing so over social media as 'It can start looking like really crass self-promotion doing stuff like that'.
Palmer was sensitive of the fact that this isn't necessarily her narrative when she and Power sat down to write the song, but it is also frustratingly an experience all-too universal for women.
"It's a really empowering moment to be a female artist right now, especially when it feels like I managed to capture something and put words and music to something that's really hard to put words and music to. Like, writing about this stuff is so weird," she explained.
"Cause it's not my exact story, but at the same time it's kind of all of our stories. So trying to figure out how to not usurp somebody else's truth while also saying something really real and important is a tricky tightrope to walk, but I feel like we managed to do it with the song."
She and Power crafted the song when the sexual harassment and abuse allegations were 'just hitting fever pitch' in the media, so it feels fitting that the single was released this week, when Weinstein was arrested and charged with rape and sexual misconduct.
It's been a long seven months since his accusers were first given a platform in October 2017 (and not to mention longer for the women who have lived with such trauma for years), and I asked Palmer how she dealt with the exhaustion of it all, of reckoning with rape culture in the headlines day in and day out.
When she spoke I honestly couldn't ever imagine her being exhausted a day in her life; every time she says 'fucking' the word punches the air like a boxer delivering a knockout right hook.
"I think it is exhausting, but it's also… it's critical. It's exhausting because it's so ridiculously awful. It's exhausting because it is happening everywhere to women all the time. It's exhausting because it actually is exhausting to be a woman in this culture constantly dealing with a system that's stacked against us," she told me. "So the fact that it's exhausting to deal with isn't surprising.
"Racism is also really exhausting because it's fucking everywhere and it's inescapable. But part of what we have to deal with is the exhaustion of how gigantic the mountain looks as we stand at the bottom trying to climb it. It's just part and parcel of tackling some gigantic thousands of years old systemic shitty system."
And as far as reckoning with the beast that is sexism and racism and every other -ism that keeps us down, the cabaret musician says that we need an array of approaches.
"It's important that we have different tools and ways of dealing with and approaching and discussing and coping with this stuff. You know, we can't all just be hanging out on Facebook chatting about feminism. That's important sometimes, but it's not going to fix the problem. Political action is also important but it's not the only way to address this," she says.
"Making art about it is really important but it's also not the only thing that's going to fix it. What's going to fix it is an all-hands-on-deck, every possible tool, every possible angle, relentless approach… and also the self-care and the self-knowledge to know that it's not your fucking job to spend all day fighting the patriarchy. It's going to be there when you get back."
Palmer, who is also one-half of the Dresden Dolls, says that we have to 'be a human being about it' and stay in touch with our humanity and sense of humour, 'otherwise you can get lost in the struggle'.
One of those ways of coping, art, has been made much securer for Palmer now that she relies on crowdfunding for her music. Her fans can pledge to her on Patreon so that 'I can make whatever art I want and not worry about whether or not I can sell it to somebody'.
The singer describes herself as 'a complete pariah' in the music business because of her slightly unorthodox approach.
"There's a part of me that really likes that, because in my teenage way I can thumb my nose at everyone and go 'Na na na na, I don't have to play by your rules'," the artist says.
She acknowledges, though, that she may miss out on some opportunities that more conventional artists enjoy.
"Every artist, you know, every indie artist, has to cope with the paradox of wanting to maintain control and maintain their composure and maintain their integrity while still getting your shit out there so people can find out about you," she shared.
"And it's… it's weird. I like what I've created. You know, I've created a real family and a community of people who are tuned into my writing and my process and my channel."
The crowdfunding platform has opened up her ability to collaborate with artists like Power, since she knows that no matter what they'll be getting a paycheck.
"Because I have an automatic budget to work with these people and it's a risk-free endeavour to sit down in the room with any songwriter and say, 'You know, the worst thing that's going to happen is we're going to get paid to write a bad song. It'll be embarrassing, but we won't not get paid'. It's pretty wonderful," she says.
As well, knowing she already made her profit enabled her to donate digital proceeds from the song to Times Up.
Her social concern extends beyond the #MeToo movement, to include, of course, the referendum on the Eighth Amendment. I interviewed the singer before the overwhelming Repeal vote, and her support for the Yes side was evident.
She said that the number of women internationally who have been sharing their stories 'really lit a fire under my own ass'.
"I have been much more frank in my songwriting, I've been much more frank at my shows about the abortions that I've had, multiple abortions that I've had, the fact that I've had a miscarriage. I've been talking about this stuff on stage, in part inspired by the other women who are egging me on and inspiring me to say 'Fuck it. I don't have anything to lose by telling the truth and we have everything to gain'," Palmer said.
She added, "I just have really strong feelings about choice and I think women have to have it. It's such a key component in unlocking the shackles of the patriarchy."
Amanda Palmer is playing at the National Concert Hall tomorrow night, and you can be sure that she 'will not be able to shut up' about Repeal.
