HomeTagsPosts tagged with "heartbreak"

heartbreak

Many of us know the 'symptoms' of falling in love; dry mouth, racing heartbeat, nervous sweating (hey- no judgement here) and even dizziness.

Be it love at first sight, a lustful locking of eyes across the room, fizzling sexual chemistry or even just plain HORMONES; it's a massively powerful experience.

Seeing as Valentine's Day, dread it or delight in it, is only 31 days away, we've decided to get our reading glasses on and find the science behind LURVE.

We're not the only publication carrying out extensive and important research into Cupid; scientists at the University of California have delved deeper to attempt to discover what happens to our bodies.

Apparently, that euphoric high that can occur when the flame is lit might be due to your GENES, according to Stylist.

The University of California were itching to discover how love affects the genes which control our immune systems, and took blind samples from 47 young women as they engaged in brand new relationships.

Genetic changes were monitored as the women fell in love over the course of two years with a new partner, and the scientists recently published their findings in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology.

According to the researchers; “Falling in love is one of the most psychologically potent experiences in human life. New romantic love is accompanied not only by psychological changes, but physiological changes as well.”

feel better in love GIF

The journal claims that when the women in their sample fell in love, their genes produces interferon- a protein most commonly deployed to fight viruses within the human body. 

"These findings are consistent with a selective up-regulation of innate immune responses to viral infections… and provide insight into the immuno-regulatory correlates of one of the keystone experiences in human life,” the scientists claim.

As women later fell out of love with their respective partners, their production of interferon was reduced. WHOA.

The experts assert that; “Some research suggests that psychological changes associated with romantic love may be attenuated as the relationship matures,” the experts said.

“The biological correlates of love might abate with the maturation of a longer-term more stable mate bond.”

jim carrey love GIF

Though the scientists don't yet know the exact reason for women producing an increase of interferon, they're pondering the idea that it may be to prepare for PREGNANCY. Whoa x2. 

Researchers now believe that men's genetic response probably isn't the same as women's. Typical lads.

Previous scientific investigations found that both regions of our brains interact as we fall deeply in lurve.

The 'feel good' neurotransmitter dopamine is distributed across our brains when the ventral tegmental area and caudate nucleus work in tangent with each other. 

Basically, in English this means that as we become romantically involved with someone, we start craving their presence.

The craving gets deeper as we fall more deeply in love with them, hence the feeling of lovesick obsession.

i love you GIF

Experiencing heartbreak can also affect our bodies, apparently.

No, not just bloating from all that Ben & Jerry's.Though that's a definite contributing factor…

Intense rejection activates the area of our brains that deal with physical pain, and research alleges that our bodies are literally more physically sensitive when we go through a break-up or romantic rejection.

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It was the 7 minute-long video that captured the nation's attention when it was released late yesterday evening.

And how painfully inevitable that Heartbreak, which was written and performed by Emmet Kirwan, quickly became a target of wholly misguided condemnation. 

The summation? Oh, just that the powerful production amounted to little more than predictable clickbait, created by a "self-promoting spoofer to get more funding."

The barrage of scathing remarks would be laughable – ridiculous, even – if they weren't deeply offensive to every woman who has been degraded, violated or dismissed in this country.

The turning point in the short film, directed by Dave Tynancame at the moment a young mother turns on three men who objectified her on a Dublin street in the presence of her young son.

"I’m not defined by the fact I am some man’s daughter, sister cousin, mother. I am a woman and I have agency just because I’m breathing air, mother*cker. And I’m standing here, mother*cker," she told them.

Having navigated teenage pregnancy, been dismissed by those purporting to support, and reduced to little more than another statistic in modern Ireland, she finds herself right back where she started – the subject of a catcall.

Except this time, she has a child by her side.

“The boy sees this treatment in the street and from the State all his life so he decides to regulate, but young one now fully grown tries to sate this rage and build this young man, this young boy.”

“He will be the best elements of femininity wrapped in a rebellious feminine but benign masculinity,” the viewer is told.

And while thousands have heaped praise upon the short Irish film which began circulating online yesterday, some observers have gone on the defence – appalled that their gender be accused of objectifying women.

“Sexist vile crap that tries to demonise men,” wrote one YouTube commentator. “What the hell was that bit about "standing in awe" of women about? F*ck right off with your sjw bs.”

“This is the trend now in Lefty Ireland. It’s open season on Men and Masculinity,” whinged another.

“His "poetry" is about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face,” opined yet another. “The white male is public enemy number one.”

And yet, for the vast majority of women watching, countless elements of this young mother’s story were all too familiar.

From the catcalls and the thinly veiled judgement to the deep-seated anger and desire to be heard, Emmet Kirwan tapped into the lived experience of thousands of women in Ireland.

But for some people, it was just a little too close to the bone.

“I’m not like that.” “Why am I the enemy?” “I’m being demonised”, and so on and so forth went the comments on YouTube, Reddit and Facebook in the wake of the film’s release.

And herein lies the issue.

By failing to look further than their own treatment of women, these people are ultimately blinding themselves to the conduct of their peers.

By insisting they’re innocent of certain attitudes and behaviours, they are extricating themselves from the real issue.

Have women been objectified by men the length and breadth of this country? Yes.

Do women face more judgement than their male counterparts over certain issues in Ireland? Undoubtedly.

Does the weight of family planning, pregnancy and abortion weigh more heavily on women’s shoulders? Obviously.

And are women still waiting to be granted bodily autonomy in this State? Regrettably, yes.

Claims that Emmet Kirwan’s production is little more than clickbait is offensive to every woman who has fended off unwanted attention, endured public or private degradation, and still fights for bodily autonomy in this country.

Just because you don’t do it doesn’t mean it isn't being done.

 

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'Riveting', 'powerful', 'stunning'; just three of the words used to describe a short film which has taken social media by storm in the last 24 hours.

Uploaded to YouTube yesterday, Heartbreak, which was written and performed by Emmet Kirwan, tells the story of a young woman who finds herself pregnant and hopeless in modern Ireland.

The seven-minute video, which acts a a platform to highlight gender imbalance in Ireland, was directed by Dave Tynan who recently recalled the first time he heard Emmet perform the piece at the Fringe Festival last year.

"Everyone in that tent felt the power of it and it’s been a privilege to turn it into a film and bring it to a wider audience," he explained.

If you watch nothing else today, watch this.

 

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Every break-up is hard, but it appears that Kerry Katona is really struggling with her latest split-up. 

The former Atomic Kitten announced that she had ended her one-year marriage to George Kay last month after it was reported that he had assaulted her

The singer spoke to OK! Magazine and admitted that the break-up was difficult but it was "the right thing to do."

"George was with me 24/7. It's like somebody has died. He was my best friend," said the mother-of-five.

"There is no going back with George and me. That is what hurts so much, as I know he is a good person."

Ms Katona also admitted that she will never get married again after the breakdown of her most recent marriage but will always miss having George by her side. 

"I think the hardest thing is walking away from somebody you love so much, but it's the right thing to do." 

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Apart from being an amazing singer and best friends with Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift is also just an ordinary woman just like the rest of us. Her music has always been relatable and many of us grew up as she did, so she was like the big sister we never met. 

In a recent interview with Elle, she has done it again and spoken up about the difficulty of heartache. She began speaking about her 1989 song Clean and said "so it shows you where I ended up mentally." She then went on to open up about her own experience of heartbreak and we can completely relate. 

"You know how it is when you're going through heartbreak. A heartbroken person is unlike any other person. Their time moves at a completely different pace than ours," she said.

She then went on to admit: "It's this mental, physical, emotional ache and feeling so conflicted. Nothing distracts you from it. Then time passes, and the more you live your life and create new habits, you get used to not having a text message every morning saying, "Hello, beautiful. Good morning."

The singer then went on to talk about getting used to new habits and letting go of the old ones. 

"You get used to not calling someone at night to tell them how your day was. You replace these old habits with new habits, like texting your friends in a group chat all day and planning fun dinner parties and going out on adventures with your girlfriends, and then all of a sudden one day you're in London and you realise you've been in the same place as your ex for two weeks and you're fine. And you hope he's fine," she said.

"The first thought that came to my mind was, 'I'm finally clean.'"

Could the London reference mean Taylor was referring to her break-up with Harry Styles?

No matter who it was about, we will have this song on repeat tonight. Broken hearts do heal. 

We love you TayTay! 

 

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If you've just come out of a relationship, you'll know that adjusting to the change can be extremely difficult.

Whether you're one of the lucky ones who ended things amicably, or whether it was messy and full of tears, it can take weeks or even months to start to feel like yourself again.

Our body and mind are proven to go through significant chemical and hormonal changes after a big life shift like a breakup, so it's completely normal to feel like everything has been turned upside down.

While unfortunately there's no magic fix – getting over a breakup takes time – there are some coping mechanisms you can use to make the whole process easier.

1. Cut off contact
Easier said than done, we know, but it's an important step even if it's just for the short term. After a break-up, your body and mind are essentially craving the comfort of your ex, and the best way to work through that is to give yourself time to heal and move on. Make a decision to cut off contact for a set length of time – somewhere between 30 and 90 days is a good place to start.

2. Take a social media hiatus
Even though you might have done the standard Facebook, Twitter and WhatsApp blocking, social media is a dangerous place and it's likely you'll see your ex's face or comments still popping up in your feed. Try to avoid social media at times when it's really not necessary or when you're feeling particularly fragile. Go for face-to-face meetings with friends and family instead – you'll get so much more out of it.

3. Be mindful of your anxiety
It's natural to feel lost and anxious after a breakup, especially when toxic thoughts like "what am I going to do now?" and "I'm going to be alone forever" begin to creep in. Be aware that anxiety is a normal part of the process and try to come up with techniques to help yourself work through things – either mindfulness practices like yoga or medititation, or simply trying to combat each negative thought with a positive one.

4. Reconnect with who you were before the relationship
There are bound to be certain aspects of your life that changed when you began seeing someone seriously. Maybe you swapped your morning gym session for an extra cosy hour in bed or maybe you had less time to spend with friends. Make the effort now to reclaim those parts of your life and you'll soon begin to notice that being single definitely has its advantages.

5. Avoid the blame game
Whatever the reason for your breakup, try to avoid flinging blame around and bad-mouthing your ex where it's not necessary. Anger is natural, but blaming one another is pointless if the relationship has already ended. Try to focus your thoughts more constructively and aim to understand the reasons why you broke up rather than blaming your former other half or yourself.

6. Use your support networks
You don't need to suffer in silence – just like you'd be there to listen if a friend or family member was going through a hard time, they will want to do the same for you and to help you through all of this. So don't be afraid to call when you need to talk, no matter how long it's been since the breakup.

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When a relationship ends, it’s never easy for either party. When a long-term relationship ends, things can be infinitely more difficult.

No matter whose decision it was – yours, his or both of you – your life can suddenly feel turned upside down. Maybe things had been going downhill for a while or maybe not. Regardless of how it ended, this is the person you had built a life with, the person you have hundreds of memories with and the person you had possibly planned to have a future with.

Relationships tend so start brilliantly in a haze of love and excitement. When they end, it’s often the total opposite with tears, anger and despair. It’s natural to feel like you’re crumbling along with the plans you had and the future you had hoped for. All of a sudden, everything comes to an abrupt stop and you’re forced to reconsider things.  At that stage it can be hard to look ahead and see a time where you’ll be okay again.

But it is possible. It won’t be easy, and it won’t be brief, but a time will come when this will all be a part of your past. The best favour you can do for yourself right now is to allow yourself all the time you need. Don’t put pressure on yourself to start feeling positive about things right away. Time can work wonders – those vivid thoughts and memories will start to fade and blur, and the pain will lessen.

A rebound might seem like the ideal solution right now – you’ll get all the comfort and closeness of sex without any of the strings attached. But the truth is, a one night stand doesn’t really help with heartbreak at all. If anything, you end up feeling more alone afterwards. What you can do for yourself at this time is to stay open to the idea of love. I’m not suggesting you start looking around for your future boyfriend – not at all, in fact, but simply that you don’t close yourself off to the possibility of love.

Let your mind wander and your imagination go a little wild if you spot a guy you fancy. Even that simple process can be enough for you to slowly come around to the idea of meeting someone new.

Don’t disillusion yourself about your relationship. If things ended and reconciliation does not seem to be an option, then it is probably for the best. Take control of your thoughts and don’t just focus on your happy memories. No doubt there are bad ones in there too – otherwise you two wouldn’t have split up. Remind yourself of why things had to end. Understand that he wasn’t perfect.

Our life will be full of ups and downs, and some will be more intense than others. Let yourself be upset and angry, but know that one day, somewhere down the line, this will just be something else you look back on as part of your past.

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Maybe you’ve gone through it yourself, or maybe a friend or relative has, but sometimes a relationship ends, not for any huge dramatic reason, not with screaming matches and shouting, but simply because things have fizzled out.

In many ways ending a relationship mutually after the spark has gone out is far more difficult than if things had finished with a bang. You still consider your ex as your best friend, you still crave the comfort that comes from being with them, but suddenly they’re not around any longer.

There’s no anger or hatred, making it even harder to comprehend why things are over. Telling yourself again and again that “it’s for the best” sounds great on paper but it doesn’t help with the loneliness or the uncertainty.

So how can you know when a relationship is repairable and when it’s best to end things? It’s inevitable that in a long term relationship you’ll both become more comfortable and relaxed with each other – but when does it become something to be concerned about?

Certain signs – though they might not signal the end of a relationship – are alarm bells that things might not be quite right. One big warning sign is a lack of physical attraction. Over time we get used to our partner, their traits and looks, but we should still be able to recognise what it was they drew us to them in the first place – that little flicker of attraction that set things off.

Another indicator that should prompt you to take a step back and think about where your relationship is going is a lack of meaningful communication and interaction. The stresses and chores of everyday life can lead our conversations to become mundane and practical, which is of course a fact of any long-term relationship. But do you still feel comfortable bringing up deeper issues with your partner – how you’re feeling, what’s upsetting you, what makes you happy? If you don’t consider your other half as someone you can open up to any longer, maybe it’s a sign that certain elements of your relationship are faltering.

Of course, every couple has their ups and downs and goes through phases of not being as passionate or engaged as they once were. Why not take the time to think about what has changed between you, and focus on possible ways of reigniting that lost spark? Something as simple as dressing up and going out for dinner instead of getting a takeaway in front of the TV can be enough to make the two of you realise just how good you are together.

There will be difficult moments in every relationship. The key is knowing when something is worth fighting for or when it’s best to move on. That’s easier said than done in many cases, but remember that you’re the one in charge of your own happiness – nobody else.

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Our college years and twenties are a time for getting to know ourselves and what we really want from a relationship. Sadly, that means we’ll probably all go through at least one split, if not many more, before finding The One.

Here are a few types of break-ups you’re definitely likely to experience at one point or another – some painful, some just plain ridiculous!

1. The one where he just disappears
You two have been seeing each other for a few weeks, maybe you’ve even gone on a couple of dates and met all his pals. Then all of a sudden – nothing. You stop hearing from him altogether and after a couple of tentative texts from your side (any more than that is excessive!) you decide to just chalk this one down to experience and move on.

2. The one that just ran out of steam
Let’s face it, you were never really into this guy to begin with. You’ve had a few fun nights together, he’s totally sound and makes you laugh but there’s just no spark. Over time the gaps between your meetings become longer and longer until he’s just that lad who pops up on your Facebook feed every once in a while. No bad blood!

3. The one that happens by text
If a relationship ends by text it was probably never a goer to begin with – regardless of who’s the one doing the texting. It’s more of a courtesy goodbye so that the dumper doesn’t feel totally cold-hearted. Fingers crossed that the dumpee has the good sense to take it well and not spend the next few days sending song lyrics and thoughtful pieces of prose.

4. The one where you both know it’s coming
Mutual break-ups can be the most painful. You’ve both come to realise that your relationship needs to end, but discussing the reasons why can be unexpectedly painful. Expect to feel more than a little heartbroken after this, but know it’s for the best.

5. The one that goes on…and on…
This one can be a total headwrecker. First comes the break-up, along with all the tears, drama and re-adjustment, and then before you know it, the two of you are back together and trying to work things out. Which is totally fine until the whole cycle happens again two months later. Just finish it already!

6. The one with tears from all sides
Maybe one of you is moving away for work or college, or maybe it’s just not working out, but either way there’s going to be tears. These kind of break-ups are the hardest as you both end up comforting each other, which can lead to kissing, cuddling and the inevitable break-up sex. Just be clear on what each of you wants before you wake up naked beside each other the next morning!

7. The one where you never want to see him again
Think crying, screaming and possible flinging of objects across the room. Whether one party has cheated or has just been a total idiot, try to keep this break-up short and sweet rather than getting caught shouting at each other for hours about old issues.

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It sounds as if it’s all over for Ariana Grande and her beau, Jai Brooks.

The singer, who lost her grandfather earlier this month, shared some words with her fans in which she revealed her heartbreak: “July was painful for many reasons but of all the personal loss I suffered last month, the loss of my grandfather, a true gentleman, was the only one that truly mattered … I thank everybody who was here for me when I needed them as the ones who weren’t really broke my heart.”

Many of Ariana’s fans have speculated that her words echo a break-up from Jai, despite a brief reconciliation after their first break-up in May.

A source told US Weekly that Jai: "just wasn't as supportive as he could have been" following the passing of Ariana's grandfather. 

It sounds as if poor Ariana has had a rough few months, feel better soon!

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We all want to be there for our friends, but there are just some things you don’t say to your friends, especially if they’ve just been dumped. Here is what not to say to someone who’s just been dumped:

You’ll get over it
Harsh. Yes, they will eventually move on, but that’s not what they want to hear so soon after being dumped.

You’re better off without him
Although that might be true, and your only trying to help by saying this – stating this fact will not make their heartache any easier.

But he seemed so nice!
It’s probably best to take your friend’s judgement on her boyfriend, considering she knew him better and spent more time with him.

Maybe he’ll come back to you
Even though this may be a last result to reassure your upset friend, it’s best not to encourage ideas that may not become a reality.

Plenty more fish in the sea!
A cliché and probably one we’re all sick of hearing. Even though a new man might cheer her up initially it might be a good idea for your friend to be on their own for a little while.

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Nicole Scherzinger has revealed that she turned to singer-songwriter Tom Odell when she split from Lewis Hamilton.

The former X Factor judge said that her heartbreak left her “desperate” to focus on songwriting, and it was the Another Love singer who inspired her.

Nicole said, “I was going through a very rough time in my life. I was going through a break-up.

“As an artist, the only way I was able to escape from the pain and the hurt and the loss was to write – I was desperate.”

She went on, “I was in a hotel and I was like, ‘I need to get out of here and just write. Can you get me a piano player?’ My assistant recommended Tom Odell.

“I went to the studio, met him and we wrote right away. It was awesome… it was f**king awesome. I love artists who have many different levels to them.”

Musical soulmates!

NICOLE 2

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