Every county has things which set them apart from each other, right?
While Dublin is the capital, Cork thinks it's the capital, and Galway should probably be the capital, Kildare is happy to mosey along minding its own business for the most part.
And yet that doesn't mean Kildare-folk are exempt from stereotype or disdain from our fellow countrymen, so if you're a Lilywhite, chances are some – if not all – of the following ring true.
1. Dubliners think you're a bogger, but almost every other county considers you a bit of a jackeen.
"Girls, we're in a limbo here."
2. Meath may be one of your nearest neighbours, but woe betide if you meet them on the pitch in Croke Park.
"This is our year lads, I can feel it."
3. We considered the opening of Kildare Village back in the day our own personal Oscars.
"Have you SEEN that place yet? Honestly, we've made it now. Can't afford a thing in the place."
4. The words 'bottleneck' and Monasterevin used go hand-in-hand.
"Don't wind Dad up, we're about to hit Monasterevin any second."
5. People outside of Kildare assume you're from a horsey set when the only time you actually encountered a horse was on holidays in Connemara.
"The Curragh? I wouldn't know how to get there if you paid me."
6. Telling people where you're from while abroad is made much easier when you say 'just outside Dublin'.
"I'm not a traitor, he just wouldn't have a jaysusin' clue what I meant if I said Leixlip."
7. You have spent at least one birthday giving it loads at Time Venue Naas.
"Look ladies, it's a big one, so I vote Time… and a 17-seater minivan."
8. You've had your flat accent mimicked so much you inadvertently adopted a Dublin accent during your teens.
"Wha? I always sounded like this, buh."
9. You know that certain very talented people hail from Kildare, and you'll reel those names off at the speed of light if it comes down to it.
"Well there's Damien Rice, Ray D'arcy, then your man who made Father Ted and the I.T Crowd, and then there's the time Ronan Keating bought a gaf here."
10. There's a big difference between north and south Kildare, and few people will accept an assumption they're from the other one.
"Maynooth? I presume you mean Moone, sir."
11. You still don't know the official name for that giant black ball on the Naas bypass.
"I know you've told me before, but remind me again and don't be a d*ck."