Yearly Archives: 2014

Anyone who wears lenses, even the most casual of users, will know the horror you can sometimes encounter when you decide to ditch your specs for the day.

Yes, contacts are fab because walking in the rain while wearing glasses is probably the hardest activity known to man (Mini-windscreen wipers anyone?), but hell, those damn lenses know how to play with your emotions too.

Here are just ten stages we go through when we decide it’s time to lens-up.

Paranoia

1) You can check which lens is which until you’re blue in the face, but we all know that the second you’ve put them in, you’ll be convinced you mixed them up.

My world will be backwards!

Pain

2) The horrific pain in your left eye and the burning sensation in your nose signals the fact that your lens has decided to slide to the back of your eyeball and implant itself in your brain.

I am a walking Sci-Fi film.

Frustration

3) Applying your lens to your eyeball, watching your lens fold in half and slide out under your eyelashes. Reapplying your lens, watching your lens fold in half…and so on and so forth is standard procedure.

This is a fun way to spend precious eating-time before work.

Embarrassment
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4) Lens begins tap dancing inside your eye socket while you’re in conversation with someone, leading you to blink wildly and twitch frantically, all the while refusing to explain what’s happening.

Why am I acting like it’s all a-OK?

Panic

5) You have a big night out planned and glasses aren’t an option, but you’re down to your last couple of lenses which you must then guard WITH YOUR LIFE.

Glasses are my only friend this week.

Judgement

6) Removing your lenses, breathing an audible sigh of relief and flicking them across the room at the end of the day is only appropriate if you’re in private.

God, what’s with all these uptights? It’s only a piece of plastic that’s been inside my face for half a day. Chill out.

More pain

7) Waking up after falling asleep with your lenses in is like trying to remove a really small, really fiddly limb, from inside your own head.

Well, this is a fun way to spend twenty minutes. Yawn.

Even more pain

8) On the very odd occasion you forget to wash your hands before application, you WILL have been slicing lemons or cutting onions and that’s just the way it is.

Burning. Forever burning.

Sympathy

9) When someone actually admits their lenses are bothering them that day, you feel a surge of empathy that almost knocks you off your feet.

You’re in a safe place now, friend.

Gratitude

10) When you look back at photos of your fourteen-year-old self in glasses, you realise you will go through anything to ensure you never look like Meg from Family Guy again.

Come to me, lenses! All is forgiven.