So, we’re nearing the end of Game of Thrones (nooo), and after a whopper season that had us mood-swinging between cheering and hyperventilating, we’re wondering where the show’s going.
In the last episode of the latest series everyone was lining their soldiers up in a row, ready to conquer, kill, defend – the usual in GOT land – and according to creators D.B Weiss and David Benioff there are only two seasons left, so we’re talking wrap up territory here.
So here’s what we WANT to happen (we’re taking complete creative license here and going a bit mad) but we have a feeling it won’t, because nothing nice ever happens to us:
1. Sansa actually smiles. Even once.
2. Those three smug Dorne sisters feck off somewhere, anywhere. Have you ever come across a more irritating shower?
3. Arya’s hit list is getting shorter and shorter. In that she’s offing people left right and centre. But the one we really want to her to go for next is Cersei. Who better to wipe the self-satisfied smirk off her gob?
4. Jon gets nake… okay, never mind, that’s objectifying men and we would never do that.
5. Actually, sod it, Jon gets as naked as the day he was born.
6. More sex scenes please. They’ve been very thin on the ground in the last few seasons, so come on, give the people what they want.
7. The three-eyed raven stuff comes to a swift conclusion – we haven’t a notion what’s going on with Bran and we’ve waited long enough.
8. Something nice happens to Sam, God love him.
9. We finally find out who Jon’s dad is, and why Ned had to ‘protect him’. Although our money’s on Robert Baratheon, which would make Jon the true heir to the Iron Throne. Ooh.
10. Brianne stops pledging her sword to all and sundry gets together with Jamie (we’ll just paper over the whole incest stuff for the sake of a happy ending).
11. Liam Cunningham (Davos) finds a lovely lady who will erase the pain from his past and make him happy. He deserves it.
12. Jon gets together with Daenerys and they have beautiful babies. Yes, we’re hopeless romantics. Whatevs.
13. Or else Tyrion gets together with Dany – they get on well, he makes her laugh, it might just work.
14. Baelish comes to a sticky end. How that sneaky, smarmy git has managed to stay alive thus far is anyone’s guess. Our money is on good ‘ol sword pledger herself Brianne taking him down.
15. Arya reunites with her family. And like Jack says to Rose in Titanic, they die when they’re old, warm in their beds. STOP. KILLING. THIS. LOVELY. FAMILY.
16. We know Theon was a little shite in the first few series, but he has been through hell and came good in the end. Let something nice happen to him too, like he gets a good job or starts that course he’s always wanted to do or something.
17. Grey Worm and Missandei need to stop staring at each other like they’re constipated just get together for the love and honour of God.
18. Jon and Dany / Tyrion and Dany take to the Iron Throne and rule with love and compassion.
19. And they all live happily ever after.
