There's being horny, and then there's faking your own death to pursue said horniness and sexual urges. I mean, Valentine's Day is tomorrow so maybe take notes if you're in this lady's boat.
Seems extreme? According to the Guardian, a nun named Joan of Leeds faked her death to escape a convent after she decided the celibate life didn't quite suit her, back in 1318. Now THAT'S a boss b*tch.
A team of researchers at the University of York found Joan's story in the margins of a register in a Latin note scribed by Archbishop William Melton, who wrote about the "scandalous rumour".
BROKE: St Valentine. WOKE: Joan of Leeds. pic.twitter.com/IFcbu0kgz6
— Eleanor Penny (@eleanorkpenny) February 13, 2019
Melton elaborated on Joan's incredible story, saying that she, “impudently cast aside the propriety of religion and the modesty of her sex."
“Out of a malicious mind simulating a bodily illness, she pretended to be dead… crafted a dummy in the likeness of her body in order to mislead the devoted faithful and she had no shame in procuring its burial in a sacred space amongst the religious of that place”
Archbishop Melton was entirely shooketh by her behaviour, claiming that her actions were "cunning” and “nefarious.” Yikes.
— Philip Aldrick (@PhilAldrick) February 12, 2019
So she faked a disease, buried a dummy which looked the image of her, and escaped the convent to fornicate and spread her wild oats. That's not all, folks…
Melton's notes on her faked death continued; “Seduced by indecency, she involved herself irreverently and perverted her path of life arrogantly to the way of carnal lust and away from poverty and obedience."
“Having broken her vows and discarded the religious habit, she now wanders at large to the notorious peril to her soul and to the scandal of all of her order.” She swapped poverty and total obedience for some decent coitus and one-night-stands with medieval f*ckboys, basically.