Queuing for the bathroom on a Saturday night around the country’s nightclubs can be a soul-destroying time for every girl. You can’t help thinking of all the fun you are missing out on back at the bar and you curse that Tequila Sunrise. Everyone knows OJ is a diuretic – how could you be so stupid!

So now, as you stand in the line of 30 other girls, fighting over the mirror and skipping the queue, you start to take it all in. Here are some things you are likely to hear:

1. “OMG look at the bloody queue!”
On entering the toilet you realise that you’re going to be there for a while.


2. “Sure feck it, we might as well have a Chupa Chups while we’re waiting”.

sexy lollipop3. Crouching tiger hidden naggin
The sound of Sellotape being ripped from the thigh as a girl removes her drinks for the evening.


4. “Where is my phone – have you seen my phone?”
This girl only realises she’s lost her iPhone as soon as she gets into the bathroom . “Try ringing it” is literally the stupidest thing you can say at this point.

giphy5. “Can I borrow your foundation? Does anyone have any make up?”
Drunk girls can’t match their shade properly… ‘Sure you’ve got the same skin type of me’ No sweetie, no she doesn’t.

gagabadmakeup36. Sound of someone puking her ring in the stall
Someone get a bouncer! This chick needs a taxi.


7. “SOMEBODY IS IN HERE” – That awkward moment when the lock doesn’t work

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8. Two girls fighting about something neither of them will remember in the morning
“Your extensions look like pubes.”

giphy (3)9. “Hold my drink! DON’T drink any.”

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10. “Where is Lucy? LUCY ?!?” *Frantically knocks on every door in the club*
Ah, what’s a night out without a 50 minute search for a friend who’s probably getting with someone in a random corner of the club.

where-is-she11. Some girl crying by herself in the club toilet
Whether you comfort her all depends on how drunk you are.


Jam13. The middle-aged bitching about ‘young wans’

giphy-914. The declarations of love
“Oh my god, I love you – you’re my best friend ever, ever, ever!”

giphy-415. Does anyone have lipstick … lipgloss … lipbalm?
Anything moist that I can put on my lips so I can get the shift?

Miley-Cyrus-Putting-on-Lipstick-in-the-mirror16. “Ehhhhhh sorry??”
When some girl rushes into the toilet before you


17. SELFIE!!!!!


18. “Let’s get shots!“


19. “WHY DOESN’T HE LIKE ME ?? What’s wrong with me?”


20. Hearing a door unlock and a toilet cubicle becoming available

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