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survival guide


Asa much as we love our family, sometimes Christmas Day can become a little overwhelming. Here are some things that might help you get through it to Stephen’s Day when you can hopefully emerge unscathed.

Chocolate releases endorphins, making you feel happy. Stack up on Roses, selection boxes and Chocolate Kimberley to keep your good mood up even when your brother keeps hitting you with his new pellet gun.

Trying to watch TV with your nan is literally impossible. Make sure you don’t miss any of the good bits as she tells you all about Paddy’s daughter Sheila who’s rolling in the dough over in Dubai by ensuring your remote has fresh batteries. This way you can record and pause anything you need. Yay for technology!

Back-up food
There’s a chance your mom might forget to put the turkey in the oven (again) and get dirty looks off your granny all day (again) so why not help the woman out and grab a roast chicken the day before just in case.

Double layered biscuit tins ONLY
Are you trying to cause a riot? On that note, move all of the biscuit tins that have been retired to sewing kits out of sight to avoid that horrible sinking feeling.

Christmas movies
Have a stack of Christmas movies ready and waiting to start the exciting day ahead. Unless you want to be stuck watching Puss In Boots.



Ah, the blind date. People in relationships LOVE to fill their single friends full of wine and then trick them into agreeing to go out with ‘this guy they work with’, do they not? Here are some tips on how to get through it in one piece!

Keep your expectations low
You need to keep your expectations REALLY low, ok? Like, down in the gutter low. Well, at least in terms of your romantic prospects with this guy. The best thing is not to think of it as a date at all. It’s just a regular night out, with someone new. How fun! No? Still not convinced? Read on, so….

DO Facebook stalk them beforehand
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Facebook stalking is bad, we know. But it’s better to have SOME idea of who you’re going to meet before you walk into the bar. It’ll help you think of things to talk about as well – just look through the pages they’ve liked and try to think of some conversations in that area. Don’t try and find their ex-girlfriend though. There’s no point comparing yourself to his past!

Quiz your friend
Well, this is all their fault after all, isn’t it? The least they can do is answer a few questions. Good questions to ask include:

  • Does he get around much?
  • Can he drive?
  • How much does he love his mammy?
  • Is he a serial relationship guy?
  • Has he ever done a stint in jail?
  • Has he got road frontage? (for country guys)

Setting up the date
He’ll probably send you an awkward text introducing himself and asking where you’d like to meet. It is vital – VITAL – that you meet somewhere that doesn’t force you to spend more than like, one hour with the guy. The cinema is kind of the exception to the rule because at least you won’t have to talk to him, but if he hints at a romantic five course meal, do NOT agree.

When you’re on the date
Some basic tips for any date really:

  • Don’t get too personal
  • Don’t talk about your ex
  • Don’t leave it up to him to make all the conversation
  • Make sure to offer to pay, you don’t want him thinking you’re a cheapskate

Saying goodbye
If it went well, this will be easy. Whether or not you want to go in for a kiss is up to you, but do make it clear that you enjoyed yourself. But if you didn’t enjoy yourself, the best thing is just to thank him for his time (in a less formal way, obvs) and make no mention of meeting, or texting again. If it was that bad he’ll probably have an inkling himself anyway. Good luck!

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