Christmas dinner is one of those joyous and rare occasions where your whole family come together to eat a good bit of grub.
And as wonderful as that sounds, there will always be a few things that happen each and every year that makes us roll our eyes up to baby Jesus and sigh with embarrassment/frustration/anger/all three.
As bad (and funny) as these things are, you really wouldn't have it any other way (kinda):
1. Your teen sister will not stop texting under the dinner table.
And as much as that annoys you (she's SO rude), that was you only five years ago. Ah, how times change.
2. Your aunty will sneak in a few too many glasses of red wine.
And start talking absolute nonsense to you.
3. Then said glass of red wine will be spilled all over the dinner table and white table cloth.
*Queue evil stares from your mother*
4. If you're single…
You'll be asked if you have a boyfriend a million and one times.
5. But if you're taken…
It'll be, 'when's the wedding?!'.
6. And if you're married…
'WHERE'S THE BABY?'.
7. When the dinner is over there's the argument about who will make the tea.
You're just too full to even stand up.
8. But then your mam brings over dessert.
Boozy Christmas trifle and even boozier Christmas pudding. Yay!
9. And after that, there's the argument about who will clean away the dishes.
LEG IT.
10. But when all is said and done, you wouldn't have Christmas any other way.
Because Christmas at home is the best feeling in the world.
It's almost Christmas, which means it's time for your Facebook timeline to start filling up with surprise homecoming videos.
We've seen everything from people hiding in cardboard boxes to organising airport flashmobs – but this latest video is simple in its perfection.
Sit on the couch and wait until your mam walks in – John McAleenan from Rostrevor, Co. Down had the right idea when he flew home from New York to surprise his family.
Probably one of the best things I've ever done, so glad to be home after a year x #christmassurprise
Presents, decorations, tins of biscuits and turkey… all the turkey. There's a lot to worry about when planning a typical Irish Christmas.
While we always swear we'll help out with the cooking, cleaning, table-setting and veggie-roasting on Christmas Day, in reality we're generally shooed out of the kitchen by our very flustered mam.
In fact, a huge 45% of Irish mammies say they do the Christmas Day baking alone – that's according to a new survey by Stork.
And 1 in 5 Irish mothers say the hard work they do at Christmas goes unappreciated – even though we do try to lend a hand. Well, just once, before falling asleep in front of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
It's tough being a mammy at this time of year – and here are nine things you're bound to hear in your house over the festive season:
1. 'Two weeks to Christmas? That flew in'
Calendars, eh? Mad yokes.
2. 'Where in God's name did I put the Christmas lights?'
Every year they're left in a 'safe place.' Usually under a box of old duvets somewhere only she knows of.
3. 'While you're getting the decorations out of the attic, we might as well do a big clear out'
NOOOOOOO.
4. 'Who opened the good biscuits? Who was it?'
They're for the neighbours, doncha know.
5. 'I'm only doing a turkey crown this year, we were eating leftovers for a week last time.'
In the end though, she'll buy a full one, because how else would you make sambos after dinner?
6. 'I've a lovely Nigella recipe for Fruity Turkey Curry for Stephen's Day.'
Cue groans.
7. 'NO phones at the dinner table this year.'
But how else will we take selfies in our Christmas cracker hats?
8. 'Will you come into town with me, I've one or two things left to get'
'One or two things' = approx 18 tins of biscuits, presents for ALL the cousins and an outfit for Christmas Day.
9. 'Do you think we'll have enough?'
Usually said while looking anxiously at a trolley bursting with selection boxes and bottles of fizzy orange.
Stork are encouraging more Irish people to try their hand at Christmas baking this year. Check out the Stork site for recipes and post your results using the hashtag #BakeWithStork!
Hands up who's already sweating about what to buy their parents this Christmas?
No doubt your dad has already said he 'only wants a pair of socks' which of course means, 'I swear to God if you give me socks on Christmas morning you'll be evicted from this house.'
As for your mum, there are only so many candles, vouchers and framed family photos you can give her before it gets old.
In fact, one Irish mother has decided enough is enough when it comes to unwanted gifts. Instead of a Christmas gift list, comedian Brona Titley got the exact opposite – a list of all the things her mother DIDN'T want.
Jst been reminded of this time last yr when I asked my mum if she had any idea what she'd like for Christmas #momfailpic.twitter.com/F5UNJVxpp4
At this stage we all know someone, or possibly you are that someone, who has had to pack their bags and leave their Irish homes behind.
The amount of young people living abroad these days has led to some Irish mammies feeling a little bit left out. No longer are they needed to cater dinner for three hurling teams and conduct a choir rehearsal in the front room.
While they might be pleased, it would seem some members of the millennial bracket are feeling the pressure. So, one New York woman came up with a solution.
Nina Keneally, a Brooklyn-based mother of two, has created the service NeedAMom. She caters to 20-35 year olds who are in need of some mothering.
don t forget the clocks go back 2 night so you have no excuse not 2 make mass ha ha i know i might as well be talking 2 the wall love x mam
Honestly. The business motto: "When you need a mom, just not YOUR mom."
She came up with the idea when she moved from Connecticut back to New York. She discovered that many of her neighbours would would confide in her. A former drug rehab counsellor, she saw a business opportunity.
Nina said she will do just about anything that any mother will do. She also notes that she aims to be the least judgmental mom around.
Services she provides include sewing buttons on shirts for that all important interview, baking your favourite desserts, editing CVs and helping to communicate with the landlord.
She will even take individuals to the doctor.
She draws the line at cleaning bathrooms and doing your washing however- she’s a mom not a maid.
If you have any pals knocking about NYC who are missing their mammy then maybe you should drop Nina a line on their behalf, or else their own mammy might have to do it for them.
i thought u might have rung today as it s international women s day and i m an international woman ha ha we got the dog spayed love mam x
Nothing beats the mid-afternoon slump at work like watching a few surprise homecoming videos on YouTube… and we have today's fix for you!
These two Irish lads live abroad and couldn't think of what to get their mammy for her birthday today, so they gave her the ultimate surprise… themselves!
Much as we love our families, being in the presence of our parents non-stop for all of Christmas week can get a little exhausting.
Helen Rahily, a former Director of TV at RTÉ, is home from London for Christmas and the Irish Mammy Experience is already getting to be a bit too much for her.
Luckily she's decided to share all of her 88-year-old mammy's wise words with us via Twitter.
From blunt honesty:
To complaining about the price of things these days:
Not to mention the inevitable guilt trip:
Followed by another one:
Ah, family.
Follow @helenorahilly or look for the hashtag #IrishFamilyChristmas for more Irish Mammyisms… we're addicted!
Prepare to get some serious feels as this guy living in Alberta, Canada flies home to Wicklow to surprise his mammy for Christmas.
As he shouts from another room: "Hey Mam, throw us on a cup o' shcald there will ya?!" she screams 'WHAT'?! and runs in before crying and hugging her little boy – ah!
Irish mammies don't like a hot humid summer. They also don't like a freezing cold winter – like this one!
Here are some things you will definitely hear from your mammy this winter:
1. “You know something, I’d say it will snow tonight now”
Says every Irish mammy every night of December. The two times they are right they proclaim: "Now, what did I say." And it isn't a question.
2. “The roads are TRECHEROUS”
And they probably are, in fairness.
3. “You can’t go out in that you will PERISH”
She's right, you will. Put a coat on for feck's sake!
4. “The heating on and every door and window open…typical”
You can just hear the disappointment in her voice.
5. “Keep an eye on that fire now while I'm gone – not too much turf mind”
This is a BIG responsibility – so don't mess it up.
6. “It’s too cold to snow”
Is that even possible?
7. “It. Is. BALTIC, help me inside with these messages!”
Sure is, mammy. Ok mammy.
8. "Sure at least it's not as cold as 2010. Ah, The Big Freeze"
The memories come flooding back…it's horrific. They say it may happen again, you know…
9. "Run the taps there for a while so they don't freeze over"
The most annoying job EVER. Fact.
We all know watching matched will our mammies can be a tense affair – especially if they're passionate about the sport involved.
This particular Irish mammy's love for The Kingdom can never be denied after she screams and shouts for them to win yesterday's All-Ireland semi-final against Mayo.
The match was a draw, so we're really hoping for a second video coming soon…
You watched The Den There simply will never be anything on TV as good as The Den. Good ol’ Dustin, Socky, Snotzer and Ray made those long, rainy Irish days go by with a laugh. Fond memories of ”GO ON YA GOOD THING” and getting a big kiss from Socky on your Birthday (as well as your name being read out – you’re famous now obviously) in between quality shows like James Bond Jr, Pokemon and Rugrats still warm our hearts to this day.
You’ve been drinking tea since before you remember You can’t turn down a cup of tea in Irish society without getting dirty looks and being quizzed as to why you won’t have one. It’s taken as a deep personal insult if you refuse a cup of tea in someone’s house. This was bet into us from a young age: “You’ll have a cup of tae if you know what’s good for you!”.
You got the bollocking of your life to get up on time for mass Every single Sunday morning: “Shauna, I am WARNING you! This is your last chance, if you don’t get up this INSTANT I’m getting your father! Indeed you won’t be ready on time if you get up in five minutes, don’t you have to cover your face in that ROTTEN tan! Alright, fine. FINE. JIMMYYYYY! I’m at my wits end, get up here and sort your children out!”
You’ve been cured by the magical powers of flat 7Up and warm Ribena The only logical explanation for the healing powers behind flat 7up and Ribena is that your mother had magical powers which she infused into them to cure you. Yep, sounds legit.
You shifted or ‘met’ someone you didn’t know Thoughts of the youth disco you used to attend probably makes your skin crawl now. Ah yes, the sweat covered walls, the runners, the washing-machine-type-shifts. Let’s face it, you went for one reason and one reason only: to get the shift. On most occasions, there were no questions asked, no name discovered, no age given, just straight in to lob the gob. Ah, Irish romance for you.
You thought you were amazing on Bebo If you weren’t on bebo, you weren’t cool, end of. Also if yhuu dIdn”’t TawkK lyyk diZ :* while writing, then you may as well not bother. Your “Top 16″, three “luvs” of the day and “other half” were the cause of many arguments.
You learned how to speak Irish and now remember none of it Dad: “Can you translate the news for me on TG4 there? I missed the one on RTE.” You: “Ehhh … something about … a road. And … a car?” Dad: “What?? What about the road and the car? Can you not translate this?! Did I not pay for grinds for you to do honours Irish for two whole years? You’re only out of school for a year for Christ’s sake Sinead!!”
You had a brief fling with Irish dancing Your mother had dreams of you becoming the next Jean Butler so she dragged you to two hours of Irish dancing every Saturday morning until your screams of protest became too much for her and she relented. Your main reason for quitting was because Rugrats was on at the same time.
You made annual trips to the bog You were dragged along with promises of a packet of Tayto and a glass of MiWadi at lunchtime. Going to the bog did provide you with great life lessons though, mainly not to forget to put on sunscreen (you learned that the hard way) and how to pee outside.
You feared for your life if you left the washing out in the rain Not many can put the fear into you like your Mammy can and by God, you felt the fear those times she trusted you with the sacred washing line. You promised you’d remember to take the washing in if it rained. You swore you would. Did you? Nope of course not. So what now? “CIARA GET THE HAIR DRYER, WE HAVE TEN MINUTES UNTIL SHE’S HOME!!!”. Similar to this is leaving the immersion on too long (God love you).
You loved your Mammy The dinners, the life lessons, the sandwiches, the cups of tea, the endless piles of washing she lets you bring home from college, the baking – the list goes on and on. She has been known to scare the bejaysus out of you from time to time, but there’s simply no better woman than the Irish mammy.
