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potato

Viral dating stories are a dime a dozen on the internet, with tales of epic fails and romantic gestures gone wrong fleetingly capturing our interest during a Twitter scroll before we move on. 

However, we discovered one story that we just can't seem to shake off the thought of. Perhaps it's because it involves the beloved carbohydrate staple, the potato, or maybe it's just because it's so iconically ridiculous, but Reddit user NotKnowPotato shared his tale of turmoil and frankly we are grateful. 

Mr NotKnow, who created a throwaway account to share the story, detailed how he decided he wanted to impress his new girlfriend's parents with his comedic skills when he first met them. 

He was invited to join his GF and her family for dinner, and thought it would be gas to pretend that he had never eaten potatoes before. 

When a platter of baked potatoes was brought to the dining table, he began to feign ignorance to the starchy vegetable. 

'I was like "A 'potato', oh interesting. Never heard of a potato, looks pretty good,' he wrote, posting in the Today I F*cked Up section of the forum site. 

However, his joke didn't land at all, and things began going downhill rather quickly. 

'They asked me, VERY incredulous, did I really not know what a potato is? That I never heard of a potato. I went with it and told them, yes, I did not ever even hear of a potato.'

'Not only had I never eaten a potato I had never heard the word potato.'

His girlfriend quickly grew embarrassed at his actions, and when he took his "first bite" of a spud and 'made a high pitched noise and said "Taste's very strange,"' his girlfriend left the table. 

'Well let me tell you I had to commit 100% at this point. When I would not admit to knowing what a potato was, the father especially began to get annoyed,' he continued. 

'At one point he said something like "Enough is enough. You're f*cking with us. Admit it." And I said "Sir, before today I never heard of a potato. I still don't know what a potato is, other than some kind of food. I don't know what to tell you."'

The dinner culminated in Mr NotKnow being booted from the house: 'Finally the father said I should "Get the f*ck out of his house" and I said it was irrational to treat me like this just because I never heard of a potato before. Well let me tell you he didn't take that kindly.'

'Now in text messages I have been telling my girlfriend I really don't know what a potato is. The only way I can ever get out of this is for them to buy that I don't know what a potato is.' 

Fellow Reddit users have contributed their advice to the potato separatist. 

'Invite your girlfriend to meet your parents. Have your father take her aside and ask if potatoes were served at the dinner with her parents. When she says yes, he looks alarmed, mutters something about "wanting to keep them from him" and never mentions the subject again,' wrote one. 

'Send them a bouquet of potatoes as an apology,' suggested another. 

Seriously, what would you do if your significant other pulled this joke on your family or friends? 

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There’s no doubt that Ireland was once pretty readily associated with potatoes.

In fact, plenty of our parents would have sat down to meat-and-two-veg (aka meat-and-spuds-two-ways) meals most days of the week.

These days we reckon – phew! – our own taste buds come along somewhat. Still, there’s no denying (nor is there any shame in) our nation’s great love for one particular category of potato: namely, the humble chip.

Skinny or chunky; crispy or supple; heavily salted or just plain – chips are king.

Our personal favourite is a fresh bag from the chipper, eaten on the walk home.

Your mouth is sensitive from the first few hot slivers of potato; warm vinegar trickles down your arm while your fingers accumulate ever more delicious residue. Perfection.

But it’s come to our attention that other nationalities don’t seem to have quite the same affection for the food.

Indeed, in Ireland chips accompany meals they never ordinarily would anywhere else.

Here, SHEmazing! rounds up the five best – and most bizarre – feasts you’ll find with a side a fries…

 

1) Lasagne:

Already a deliciously carb-heavy concoction of pasta, meat and creamy sauce – it regularly comes accompanied by chips.

Admittedly, alternatives for health-conscious types includes rice or, if you’re really sticking to the diet, a salad – but those are, thankfully, but rare choices for the average Irishman and woman.

 

2) Curry:

Sure, from the outset it seems strange – but there is something so deliciously right about chips with your curry.

The rice side is still requisite (half-and-half for the win)… but so is all that crispy potato goodness to soak up some of the spicy sauce.

3) Chinese:

Technically speaking, they probably don’t feature too often in traditional Chinese cuisine, but no Chinese take-away would dare set up shop on these shores without offering a chips stable.

And, of course, the three-in-one concoction of fried rice, curry sauce and chips is practically a national dish at this stage.

 

4) Garlic bread:

Scrumptious garlic goodness on heavily-buttered toast – all straight from the oven. So simple; so good.

It’s hardly like you need a carb side with your carb-heavy snack, but garlic bread is somehow rarely complete without chips. All of the stodge? Yes please.

5) Pizza:

In Ireland, pizza comes two ways: fancy-pants, gourmet style – and the version we all grew up on: heavy dough topped with lashings upon lashings of cheese. Pepperoni optional. And it is the latter category which needs a side of fries to make it complete.

At the core of countless children’s birthday parties during our youth, our taste-buds evidently still have a weakness for this glorious pairing today. 

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