Netflix movie night: The 15 stages we all know

It’s Netflix night. (OK, every night is Netflix night, but this is Netflix movie night) so it’s time to chill-out, chow-down and choose the perfect flick.

If you have managed to do all three of those things without an argument, an interruption or a complete emotional breakdown, then teach us your ways because the rest of us experience something a little more like this.

1. Saying sayonara to your diet, you ring the local takeaway and order every greasy thing on the menu.

We'll start again on Monday

2. Pulling off your skinny jeans (with a little help, if necessary) you scramble through your laundry for your biggest, baggiest sweats.


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3. Diving onto the couch, you sprawl across your friend’s lap and pull your hood over your head.

Time to vegetate, people.

4. Clicking on Netflix, you begin casually browsing while chit-chatting about the impending food delivery.

Movie nights are so relaxing, right?

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5. Pausing and reading the description of every second film is beginning to stress you out a little because it seems like present company has seen every single thing on the menu.

Em, why are you here exactly?

6. Opening your brown paper delivery bag, you see they’ve forgotten your prawn crackers…again.

I swear, they hate me.

7. OK, back to the matter at hand; the movie!

Uh, why can’t we just watch Bridesmaids again?

8. No, we are not watching something with subtitles.

Go home, jackass.

9. How have we finished our food and we still haven’t pressed play on a movie?

 It’s like they’ve written, directed and starred in every film and can’t bear to see themselves again.

10. For God's sake, what is wrong with watching a horror?

Sometimes I wonder why we’re friends.

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11. I wonder if eyeballing wine is really as dangerous and disgusting as it sounds.

My film-hating friend hates me more than my prawn cracker-hating delivery man.

12. It’s now been ninety minutes and we’re still on the menu page.

Honestly, is this normal?

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13. Oooh! OOOH! Something they haven’t seen, starred in or directed!

Ladies, we have a winner.

14. I suppose it is late, alright.

OK, grand, we’ll watch it next time so.

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15. Screw this.

I’m going to bed.

Can't wait for next week's Netflix fest!