The 7 stages of the morning after the night before

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance and Hunger. Every girl has had a really bad night out at some stage, maybe you’ve just broken up with someone and realised you are not quite as ‘over’ them as you think, maybe you had one to many Jägerbombs, or perhaps you were just fighting with the girlies. Whatever it was these are the 7 stages you will go through the morning after the night before. Ugh.

1. Denial


So after you’ve woken up all the memories from last night come rushing back. There is no way you peed outside, or flirted with the bouncer. No no no. Those things didn’t  happen. This is your denial stage – where deep down you know you did all those things but your not quite awake enough to accept your own stupidity.

2. Hunger

Spicy Chicken, mayo, tomato, cheese, and lots of sauce.


Deal with your denial with a chicken fillet roll. Hangover day is the only day its okay to queue for your breakfast in Centra. You feel a bit dirty after that. But dirty in the good way. Now that you’ve got a bit of food in you its time to deal with the rest of the stages.


3. The Facebook stage


Ahh Facebook, you’ll be my friend- show me that everything isn’t as bad as I think it is. You have your chat turned off because you don’t want people to know how long you spend on it. Time to stalk the crap out of the guy you shifted last night and wonder if everyone else’s night was way better then yours. It was. Goddammit.

4. Anger


Why did you even go out last night. You’re already doing less then average in college and now you have absolutely nothing done for the week ahead. It wasn’t even worth going out, that lad you shifted wasn’t even that good looking. You let yourself down and its all your own fault. Anger is the worst part- Its where you ring your friends to rant but nobody really cares.

5. Bargaining


Maybe it all wasn’t so bad… he wasn’t that bad – like the shift was kind of nice. And when you see him in college he’ll most likely have forgotten all the ridiculous things you said. You’ll make up with her eventually – like when you called her a skanky hoe she knows you probably didn’t even mean it.

6. Depression


This is the worst stage. Not only do you regret what you did last night but you start to ponder life all your life choices. Why did you pick your degree? Will you get a job or end up moving to Australia? You don’t even like Australia. You’ll miss your mum. They might not have chicken fillet rolls there. You’ll probably never have a decent relationship. Or any relationship for that matter. Who would ever go out with you? Depression is the worst stage. But its only up from here.

7. Acceptance


Its evening by the time you reach this stage. You’ve stuffed yourself and can only feel so bad. A fresh week. Exercise, lectures, no drinking, healthy eating and early to bed.

via our content partner CT