‘Oh, was it one-way?’ 11 things you’ll know if you cannot DRIVE

We all remember when the first member of the squad scored themselves some wheels, right?

Cruising around the town just to be seen in a little red Micra was the name of the game, and the designated driver was immediately given hero status.

But then more and more of the gang began taking theory tests, signing up for lessons and passing their tests, and you found yourself waiting at bus stops and cadging lifts where you could.

And now, driving is no longer a novelty among your group, but a necessary skill – one that you have yet to master, and probably never will, at this rate.

Here are just 11 things you'll recognise if you still don't know a clutch from an accelerator.

1. When a driver asks if they're "alright on your side", you panic internally before blurting out random colours.

"There's a red car…no wait, it's maroon, yep there's a maroon car coming…nope, oh God, don't drive just yet."

2. Giving directions to a driver is beyond you because the moment you hit the carriageway you stop caring.

"Oh God, I think you take the next exit after the exit where my dad once gave your man the fingers, but I don't quite know what exit that is."

3. You find it funny that a driver might apologise for their bad driving while you're riding shotgun.

"I'll be honest with you, I wouldn't know if we were driving on the wrong side of the road right now."

4. You've become a pro at excuses as to why you haven't even sat your theory test.

"You just don't need to drive where I'm from… sure it's just an hour's bus journey, thirty minute walk and 45 minute taxi to the city. What would I be doing with a car?"

5. You imagine yourself cutting out in the middle of a busy junction, and you thank baby Jesus you never got behind the wheel of a car.

"Nope, I'm better off where I am… on this soaking wet  bus bench."

6. You've watched friends and family make elaborate turns down alleys you could barely fit on a bicycle, and wonder if you were born without the 'driving' gene.

"Look at the way he throws his arm across the passenger seat headrest, that kind of move is just not in my DNA."

7. You fear that the older you get, the less likely it is you'll ever master it.

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks, ladies. Now, would anyone mind dropping me into town?"

8. You secretly fantasise about searching for your car keys among the debris in your handbag.

"How slick would I look pressing that alarm button?!"

9. You've become a master DJ up in shotgun because you feel you have to give back for all the lifts you've begged for.

"Guys, I've got a three hour playlist set up and ready to roll. I'm also taking requests."

10. You envy your colleagues who can wear whatever they want on the commute to work because they don't have to factor in the outside world.

"Imagine how good I'd look if I didn't have to cover everything with a winter coat and these sensible shoes?"

11. You learned the hard way that lessons with family members are not the way to go.

"Dad made me walk home in the rain because I scared a woman in the Lidl carpark."