There’s nothing more bleak than trying to make your way home after an ill-advised hookup, while trying to pretend that last night’s clothes are in fact a carefully put together daytime outfit. Doesn’t everyone wear stilettos at 1pm on a Sunday?
Anyone who’s ever suffered the stress of a walk of shame will know that there are many distinct types… but they are all pretty, well, shameful!
Here’s our definitive list!
1. The “can I borrow this?” walk
Sometimes the lesser of two evils is to forget about the tiny dress and killer heels and to instead grab something off your new man’s floor to wear for the trek home. Sadly though, this usually results in you sitting on the Luas wearing a pair of surf shorts and a giant hoodie, teamed with some flip-flops about four sizes too large. Work it, girl!
2. The “fancy dress” walk
If you’re no longer in college, this might be limited just to Hallowe’en, but if you’re still a student there’s a risk of this happening any number of times. Your Playboy bunny costume might seem hilarious and sexy the night before but it doesn’t look quite so alluring when you have to put it back on the next morning (without the ears, we hope). The rule? ALWAYS bring a coat… it covers any number of sins!
3. The “witching hour” walk
A walk of shame doesn’t necessarily have to be in broad daylight. Maybe you decided last-minute not to stay over, or maybe you just have no interest in a tiny single bed with questionable-smelling sheets. Either way, you’re stuck trying to hail a taxi at 3am, hoping nobody wakes up when you get home. Maybe in the morning it’ll all feel like a bad dream!
4. The “please God let him not wake up” walk
Guys get a bad rap about being commitment-phobes but us girls can be just as bad. In certain cases it’s easier just to slip away unnoticed and hope you two never cross paths again. This walk of shame takes James Bond-style skill. Creaking floorboards, squeaky hinges and slamming doors are your worst enemies and must be avoided at all costs. Fingers crossed you can find all your clothes, not to mention your keys, phone and taxi money. Now… go go go!
5. The “meet the parents” walk
He lives at home? Oh, GREAT. What better way to meet your future-in-laws than while sheepishly exiting their home with smudged mascara and unbrushed hair? Hopefully you’re up to making charming conversation at that time of the morning – it’s your only saving grace!
6. The “just a casual afternoon stroll” walk
Perhaps if you make your trek home late enough, it will seem like you’re not actually doing a walk of shame, but instead just taking a lovely late afternoon jaunt around town. In heels. And a tiara. Oh well, worth a try…
7. The “where on earth am I?” walk
So you’ve managed to end up with the one guy who lives miles away from any public transport routes. As for getting a taxi, well, John from down the road is the town taxi driver and it’s his day off. Convenient! The only option is to beg for a lift, either from your new guy or from a very kind pal who doesn’t mind driving to the middle of nowhere to pick you up. That’s what friends are for!
8. The “too close for comfort” walk
You’ve managed to end up with the guy who lives in the dorm down the hall – well done! This is a positive development in that you are literally seconds from your own room, but sadly it also means you’ll probably bump into him again… Not just today, but every day. Awkward.
9. The “thank god it’s not me” walk
For once, you’re not the one doing the walking! The two of you stayed in yours last night, which means you get to enjoy sweet sweet sleep while he makes his way home in the blinding sunlight. Happy days!
10. The “I don’t give a damn” walk
Sometimes there’s just no room for shame! You had an amazing night with a guy you’ve had your eye on for ages, he was super sound and you’d gladly shout it from the rooftops that you stayed over at his. Hold your head high, get some Beyoncé tunes on the iPod and strut your way home!