4am is a strange time of the night. You should be in bed, but you’re in the chippie. At least you’re not the only one – look who else is with you:
1. The security guard
He’s your man if that scary looking group in the corner kick off!
2. The loud group of guys
This group of lads are roaring things at girls that come in, all the while shovelling a curry cheese chip into their gobs…sexy.
3. The food fighters
The food fighters usually end up being the same group of lads that will eventually get kicked out by the security guard. They use their chips as missiles against rival groups, with some unfortunate people getting caught in the cross fire as they make their way to the toilet.
4. The messy eater
It’s unclear whether this person is always a messy eater or whether the alcohol is to blame, but either way they can usually be seen sitting at a table covered from head to toe in lettuce, ketchup and crumbs. It’s a similar story for the table in front of them, the floor at their feet, and sometimes even the wall beside them.
5. The feasters
These type of people will sometimes actually save their money, often not buying the last drink in the night club, just to buy an absolute mountain of food once they get there.
6. The guy/girl who just finished his shift
Very easy to spot, this person is usually dressed in all black as they’ve probably just finished a shift as a waitress or barman in one of the night clubs that all of the drunk people have just come from. They make a nice difference to the roaring and shouting going on, quietly grabbing their takeaway and running out the door.
7. The staff
Those poor, tormented people.
8. The sleepers
Another type of person that the security guard isn’t a massive fan of. They can usually be seen sitting upright with a chip hanging out of their mouth and a half eaten burger in their hand.
9. The emotional wrecks
They sit there weeping into their happy meal with their friend consoling them after they were rejected by the ‘love of their life’, or, even worse, they lost their phone. The happy meal is bought to try and cheer them up, but to no avail. Happy meal toys are a very common souvenir from a night out, and are more fun when you’re drunk then they ever were as a child.
10. The loners
Not only does this person not know where their friends are, they also have no means of contacting them because their phone is out of battery. It is also common for them not to have any money. They seem to have lost all hope and are just resigned to sitting in the chippie. You might try and be a nice person and help them, but there’s really no point. They’re better off alone.
11. The people too drunk to function
The only reason they’re in the place is to sit down somewhere without the risk of getting rained on, mugged or something because there’s absolutely no way they’re able to get any food into them. Their friends might insist on buying them something and try to sober them up before they get into the taxi to reduce the risk of them getting sick.
12. The people who are too sober for this shit
Usually left with the task of looking after the person who is too drunk to function, they sit there with a grumpy look on their face as the only reason they’re there is because no one would get a taxi with them when they wanted to go home. If they had had their way, they would’ve been in bed an hour ago.