‘She’s lost her L-plate’ 8 things that happen on every single Hen night

Hen nights; the perfect opportunity to remind yourself why the flurry of wild nights out which punctuated your late teens and early twenties are still some of your fondest memories.

Because let’s face it, no matter how atypical you envision your Hen night being, hen nights aren’t exactly known for their reserved or sedate nature.

And that, ladies, is obviously what makes them all the more joyful.

But whether you opt for stilettos and sashes or runners and rock climbing, every pre-wedding celebration will invariably see the bride and her besties encounter the same stages.

It’s time to face the truth; no matter the plan, activity or venue, you and the girls will undoubtedly shriek, sway and stumble your way through the following 9 stages.

1. The early boozing

No matter how tranquil or reserved you intend your Hen to be, there is no stopping the first pop of that cork.

And there's definitely no stopping the gaggle of women you call your best friends from tucking in before they've even reached for a slice of toast.

"I'll have another because it's a big day. And then I'll have one more after that because it's the end of an era. And two more for good luck."

2. The panic over a missing item

As sure as night follows day, one member of the Hen celebration will forget an essential item, which will result in a minor meltdown before she's placated with the appearance of a swift drink.

She'll insist the shoes or straightener were definitely in her case the last time she checked, and she'll be damned if she'll ruin her friend's Hen night with her natural height or hair, before taking that sweet sip of calming juice.

"You know what? It's all coooool."

3. The stroll down memory lane

We all know the best parts of any Hen night are the ones you don't plan for, and never is this more evident than the impromptu stroll down memory lane which is taken on every single one.

The wry mention of an in-joke or the droll impression of one of the girls is enough to get the ball rolling, and it's no time before you're clutching each other with the mirth, and ignoring calls to move on to the next activity.

"Remember when we tried to sneak into the local, and your Ugg got caught in the fence, so you danced to Jay-Z in a wellie you stole from the keg yard?"

4. The confusion over the rules

Whether it's a cocktail-making class, rock climbing session or orienteering excursion, at least half of you will struggle to keep up with the instructions.

While some of the girls will take to the activities like ducks to water, others will snigger in the background, repeatedly ask what they're meant to be doing, and blame the morning's Prosecco for everything.

"No, no I am listening! She's on my team so I'm not allowed paintball the arse off her. I get it. "

5. The questionable dance routine

It most likely stemmed from a story regaled during that trip down memory lane, but there will be at least half an hour where you and the girls make holy shows of yourselves to the greatest tracks of your childhood.

Oh, there's no doubt you'll feel on top of the world, but to the objective observer you resemble 15 drunk giraffes on invisible rollerskates.

"Five bad boys with the power to rock you blowing yor mind so you gotta get into…."

6. The hunt for the fallen soldier

Every Hen night features the search for the fallen soldier, and that fallen soldier is usually the same person who skipped breakfast in order to make room for early-morning bubbles.

When words gets out that you're down a member, the entire squad assembles in order to divide and conquer, only to find the missing member propping up the counter in the local chipper.

"I had *hic* to. All you guys *hic * had breakfast. NO! I said TWO battered sausages."

7. The blatant disregard for black-listed memories

While playful slagging and non-stop mocking is the name of the game among a squad as close as yours, there are still certain topics which most definitely aren't up for discussion.

And after a few too many gins, one member of the gang will forget that, and remind the bride of something she'd rather forget.

"Remember the way you fancied your fiance's brother when you first met him? Remember that?"

8. The sing-song on the way back to the hotel

If your night doesn't end to the sound of at least half your friends murdering a power ballad, then did the night even happen?

With shoe straps draped over wrists and arms thrown around each other, you'll squawk the lyrics to Robbie Williams' Angels, and confess your undying love for one another.

"I don't know – hic – what I'd do without you girls. You're my – hic – heart and soul."


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