‘I don’t regret what it taught me’: Irish woman’s 12-yr anorexia battle

Dieting, restrictive eating and intense workout sessions seem to be part and parcel of life for many young Irish people, but when does 'looking after your body' cross the line to a dangerous obsession?

Many eating disorder sufferers point to a lack of control in their lives or a time of intense upheaval as the moment their issues with food began. But it's not always quite so clear cut, as Irish woman Fiona Morris can attest to.

"For so many years, people, family, friends, doctors, counsellors tried to uncover the reason for why my eating disorder began," she says of her 12-year experience with anorexia.

"What was the root cause? When did it all start? I thought that if I knew the reason it all started, then I would be able to find the way out of it."

Today marks the second day of Eating Disorder Awareness Week in Ireland and around the world, and Fiona has graciously shared her story with us.

"I put the debut of anorexia down to a culmination of feeling inadequate, seeing myself as 'ugly', unfortunate circumstances and bad timing," she says.

"Over the years I have realised that finding out how or why I got sick wasn't nearly as important as realising how I could get better."

While she does not yet fully consider herself as "recovered," Fiona says she is "proud AF" with how far she has come.

"I am not going to say I am one of the 'lucky' ones, luck has not played any part. What I will say is that I am one of the brave ones, who was strong enough to stand up for my right to be alive and to have a place in this world.

"I would give a lot to be able to get back the years I lost to anorexia…but the reality is, I can never get those years back.

"I can never erase the years of crying, lying, wishing, wanting, jealousy, hatred, frustration, fear and guilt."

Despite all of this, Fiona still tries her best to take even some small positive lessons from her experience.

"Having anorexia, has no doubt taught me a lot about myself and about life. Yes, I regret the years I spent with it, but I don't regret all the lessons it taught me.

"I understand the beauty and fragility of life. I understand the blessing that we have been given with life. I have compassion and understanding.

"I have a clear and balanced perspective on what is important and most of all, I have a deep appreciation for good relationships, with both friends and family.

"I have had to try and take some positive out of my 'lost' years and it is these life lessons that have stood out."

After a long-term battle with her eating disorder, Fiona said she now accepts her experience as a part of herself – and wants to use what she has learnt to help others.

"I would be lying if I said that I don't still struggle. I do. I really really do. I have had it for 12 years so I wouldn't expect to not have tough times.

"I am not sharing this for praise or attention, I know myself how much I have accomplished. I am sharing this to reach out to people struggling with an eating disorder.

"I want you guys to know that no matter how long you have had an eating disorder for, how many times you have got  a bit better only to fall down again, how bad it may seem right now, no matter how hopeless you feel or how scared you are about taking a step forward… that recovery is possible for everyone.

"Recovery is a full time job and I am OK with that, because the pay is more than any job will give you."