4kg in three days? What it’s really like to… juice detox for 72 hours

Arguably juicing has had its day; sure didn't we leave all that nonsense behind back in 2014, swapping over to 'clean' eating instead?

However, judging by a load of new-year-new-you social posts, a fondness for jucing lingers still. 

Welcome to the dreaded juice detox: usually a hellish 72-stint where suckers-for-punishment eat NOTHING but blended fruit and veg.

Delightful.

The upside? You can lose around 4kg/9lbs in three days – a weight-loss bang-for-your-buck that's certainly headline-grabbing.

The downside? You might go insane. That and the likelihood of cracking on day two and diving headfirst into a mega-tub of Nutella is, well, high.

Here's what to expect from your ill-adviced 72-hour a juice diet:

1) Headaches

A dull-headache that no amount of water seems to placate. Certainly, you shouldn't plan on doing anything too taxing – either mentally or psychically – during your juice-stint. 

2) Fawning

Suddenly, every tiny insignificant morsel of food seems hugely appetising and oh-so delicious. A week-old apple? Delightful! A scrap of bread? Oh, what culinary delights! Three almonds? Our kingdom for those three almonds! 

3) Tremors

We're not talking full-on seizure here (if that happens, you know, call your doctor) but more of a slight, unexpected hand quiver by day three. 

4) Grumpiness 

You'll do a lot of moaning over those three days – largely because you're so hungry. All. The. Time.

5) Insomnia

An empty tum does not make for a restful night's sleep – so yes, you'll be wrecked as well as starving. 

6) Forward-planning

You wake up on day three and the end is in sight. This can mean only one thing: you start planning your escape. Bread, butter, chips, crisps – the whole lot will be on that throw-caution-to-the-wind menu once you're done detoxing.

7) Stupidity

A load of the weight you lose is just from being dehydrated and having nothing in your stomach – so you're shedding MAX a kilo-odd of actual fat. When this dawns on you a week after returning to your normal size, you'll wonder why on earth you bothered.