Sit down, extra hot crew! 5 signs your coffee is just far too fancy

‘Coffee. Because adulting is hard’. Never has a truer statement been uttered, and anyone who deprives us of our daily latte (hold the caramel – unless we’re feeling saucy) is taking their life in their hands.

Since the opening of Starbucks, the eighth Wonder of the World, ‘bespoke’ coffee has become somewhat of a phenomenon; and some baristas won’t bat an eyelid when an order for a ‘grande skinny triple caramel macchiato – HOLD THE CREAM – to drink in but in a takeaway cup’ is called in.

But when do we draw the line at ridiculous? Here are five signs your coffee order is just too complicated.

1. Even YOU cringe when you hear your order out loud

There’s a lot to be said for the humble flat white; small in stature but packing a punch deep inside that tiny, modest packaging. It also sounds so much less pretentious than a ‘double ristretto venti half-soy non-fat organic double-shot gingerbread frappuccino’.

2. The barista needs to ask you for it more than once

Let’s get one thing straight: baristas know their coffee. They are skilled in the art of it, for God’s sake. So you know your order is a tad too complicated when even THEY are raising their eyebrows.

3. You need to take a deep breath in the middle

Refer to point number one. If you’re going to spend your hard-earned money, you might as well get what you really want; but when the specifications of your order come down to the type of foam, and you’re splitting hairs over mixing full-fat with half-fat, we suggest you take a step back and reassess your life.

4. You order decaf

Now, we don’t mean to offend anyone here, but this really just doesn't make sense. If we get right down to it, coffee isn’t always the most appetising thing in the world – but the effect it has on us makes it SO worth it. So why would you deprive yourself of coffee’s magical powers, for what essentially taste like a cup of dirt?

5. It defies logic

We’re looking at YOU, ‘extra hot’ crew! The water is already hot; short of the barista holding the cup in thermal gloves for an hour, it’s not getting any hotter – so why add on those two words that make EVERYONE in the café cringe?! We know, we know, milk is a factor – but, you know what, it’s just coffee – don’t complicate life’s simple pleasures!

Moral of the story? Let's keep it simple, ladies!