Can you rebuild a relationship after you’ve cheated?

Relationships

Sep 1, 2014

Being cheated on is awful, but life isn’t always black and white, and it would be unfair to brand everyone who cheats as a bad person. If you are the one who cheated, you may be looking for a second chance, but can a relationship really go back to what it was after you’ve broken the trust?

Well, it depends on the circumstances, and how forgiving your partner is. However, if he or she does decide to give you a second chance, here are some tips on how to rebuild your relationship:

Own up to what you did and don’t make excuses. It doesn’t matter how drunk you were. Making excuses only says to your partner that you weren’t in control, and that this could happen again.
Cancel all communication with the person you cheated with. It doesn’t matter if you were friends beforehand and it was just a drunken mistake – you can’t expect your partner to be ok with you hanging out with this person again.
Accept that they’re going to be less trusting than before, so if you say you’ll be back at 10pm, be back at 10pm. And while they can’t ban you from going out without them ever again, you have to accept that this is probably going to be an issue. Try to come up with a way of easing their worries when you go out, whether by texting to let them know where you are and who you’re with, or from refraining from nights out with people who may be a threat.
Be totally honest – about everything. Even if they catch you out telling what you think is a white lie, they may feel like they can’t trust you at all. And when they ask for all the details on how you ended up with the other person, you have to give them the honest answers. If they find out you were lying further down the line, you may have blown your chances for good.
Be patient. It’s going to take time to rebuild the trust and your partner will need you to be around a lot. You may get fed up of answering the same questions about what happened over and over, or who you’re going out with, but if they need to ask, you need to answer without getting mad.