The new 50 Shades Of Grey is here… and it’s ridiculous

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Thirsty Thursday became a trend not so long ago, and now it’s been surpassed by Grey Thursday.

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any bigger, 50 Shades Of Grey has come back, again. A retelling of the trilogy from Christian Grey’s perspective is exactly what we wanted heading into the weekend.

The publishing phenomenon has sold 125million copies worldwide already, and has also become a film series. Anastasia and Christian’s relationship is now being told “in Christian’s own words, and through his thoughts, reflections and dreams”.

Yes E.L James has somehow managed to transform a Twilight fanfiction inspired smut trilogy into a lucrative industry.

Today not only marks the release of the hotly-anticipated new novel, but the date was also chosen by the author herself as it marks Christian’s birthday. Nice.

The fictional seducer and bondage aficionado has, naturally, caused quite the stir online today. Once people managed to get through the rather wordy preamble, they’ve got an awful lot Grey waiting for them.

Twitter users couldn’t help themselves:

Just in case you weren’t one of the die-hard fans who had the novel sent to their E-readers at midnight (how could you not?), we’ve gathered up some Christian’s best parts, no pun intended, honestly.

First of all, it’s important to note that while poor Anastasia’s point of view was given the dull numerical chapter titles, Mr Grey gets a bit more specific with his dates. So, to surmise Christian is not only a billionaire sex god, he’s also really good at keeping a diary, of course.

 

"'Mr Grey.' His handshake is limp, like his hair. Asshole. 'Wait up – not the Christian Grey? Of Grey Enterprises Holdings?' Yeah, that's me, you prick.

 

 “Her words travel directly to my d***, passing ‘Go’ on the way. F***.”

 

"Absentmindedly, she wipes a crumb from the corner of her lips and into her mouth and sucks on her finger. My c*** twitches in response. What am I, fourteen?"

 

 “This calls for – what did she call them? SHOUTY CAPITALS.”

 

"She has a fresh, wholesome fragrance that reminds me of my grandfather’s apple orchard."

 

"I remember her telling me to keep still and tugging my pubic hair while she was sitting astride me, naked. The thought is arousing."

 

"Keeping my eyes on hers, I pop an olive into my mouth and lick my index finger. Her eyes grow wider and darker."

 

"Her hair is beautiful. Lush. Long. Thick. Idly, I wonder what it would be like to braid."

 

"I cannot believe she's said that out loud! Ironically, the question even my own family will not ask. How dare she!

"I have a sudden urge to drag her out of her seat, bend her over my knee, spank her, and then f*** her over my desk with her hands tied behind her back. That would answer her ridiculous question."

 

"'This is my favorite tea,' she says, and I revise my mental note that it's Twinings English Breakfast tea she likes. I watch her dunk the teabag in the teapot. It's an elaborate and messy spectacle.

"She fishes it out almost immediately and places the used teabag on her saucer.

"My mouth is twitching with my amusement. As she tells me she likes her tea weak and black, for a moment I think she's describing what she likes in a man. Get a grip, Grey. She's talking about tea."

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