This rapper is lucky to be alive, “penis or no penis”


Andre Johnson took a lot of drugs earlier this year, and decided to cut off his own penis and jump off a building in Hollywood. Nevertheless, he says “I was in complete control.”

Sure you were, Andre.

The rapper, who is affiliated with the Wu Tang Clan explains how he came to his decision: “I cut it off because that was the root of all my problems. My solution to the problem was the realisation that sex is for mortals, and I am a god… Those kinds of activities got me into trouble, and I came here to be a god.”

Ok then…. Unfortunately for Andre, the doctors couldn’t save what was left of his nether regions, but on the bright side, “it still gets hard, the little bit that I got. I still got some penis that works. It’s not the size of the prize; it’s the motion of the ocean. There’s no mystery to it, but they couldn’t reattach it. A penis is a penis is a penis. I wasn’t having that much sex up to that point anyway.”

Well, we do love positive attitude! Andre knows he is lucky to be alive: “That was just my response to the demons. They were doing their best to get me, but being alive solidified my thoughts… I’m alive, penis or no penis.”

The rapper, who was already a father-of-two welcomed a baby daughter into the world two weeks after his ordeal and had apparently been researching vasectomies around the time of the incident. It's safe to say he won't be needing one anymore. Ouch.