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Strop

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Christmas is all about family time… and family time is all about stress, right?

While you spent weeks looking forward to some much-needed time off work and college, and daydreamed about the sheer amount of food and drink you would get to consume in the family home,  you also forgot how annoying your family can be, didn't you?

They mightn't intend to wind you up (well, not all the time anyway), but that doesn't mean they're not pretty damn good at it.

And here, ladies, are just 12 things your family did to stress you out on Christmas day.

1. Your mam insisted on leading the entire family to the front of the church at that morning's service.

"If I wanted the whole parish to see my hungover head, I'd say Mass myself."

2. Your sibling clearly tuned into a last-minute-merchant, and you're now the proud owner of a scented candle in an aroma that gives you a whopper headache.

"Cheers. Do you mind if I light it outside?"

3. Your mam forgot at least one component of Christmas dinner, despite the fact you reminded her at least three times.

"If Siobhan had asked for potato croquettes, you wouldn't have forgotten to buy them."

4. Your sibling got a better haul than you on Christmas morning.

"She earns more than all of us! Why did she get MAC brushes AND a Kylighter?

5. Your contribution to dinner prep reminded you of your Home Ec practical for the Leaving.

"Who in the name of Jaysus taught you to cut carrots like that? Give me that knife."

6. Your dad told you your hangover was self-inflicted (which it obviously wasn't because how were you to know Mahons would have a lock-in?)

"Look at the cut of ya. Anyone with an ounce of sense would have drawn a line by midnight."

7. Your sibling laughed at the truly unique present you got a family member.

"Yeah 'cos after a year working hard, all Dad wants for Christmas is to provide a family he doesn't know with a goat."

8. Your mam threw a fit because you weren't helping, then threw a fit because you were helping.

"Get out from under my feet unless you can do it right. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, you'll have me in an early grave."

9. Your mam made you knock next door to the neighbours with their present despite the fact you've only met them twice in the last two years.

"Ah, I'm grand and how are you…eh… Dennis? Donal, I mean Donal!"

10. Your sibling hogged the best seat in the living room and you had to sit beside the dog basket.

"The arse of my dress is covered in dog drool."

11. Your mam tried to break with tradition and suggested presents would be done after mass from now on.

"If I'm not allowed open all my presents in the next ten minutes, I'll get the first train out of here."

12. Your sibling got the blow-up mattress, and you were left sleeping on a makeshift bed in your parents' room last night after a serious night on the sesh.

"Tell Dad if he keeps snoring, I'll call the police."

 

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Life can be a real challenge sometimes.

And yet despite the countless inconveniences and numerous disruptions we're faced with on the daily, we're always advised to keep our cool and not let it get the better of us.

There are, however, some times when a full-on strop is justified… and genuinely therapeutic.

And here, friends, are just 13… although, frankly, we could rattle off 20 in under a minute.

1. When your ASOS order looks NOTHING like the item you clicked on and purchased with a heart full of hope just five days before.

"They sent me your ma's tablecloth, and I look like a potato in a curtain."

2. When you unearth a gift card which EXPIRED the previous month.

"I could have actually bought those shoes that time, and yet here I am with a useless piece of plastic and pumps that look like I found them in a dumpster."

3. When your lecturer gives the class an extension on a paper you spent all night finishing.

"Don't mind me – I'll just put this through the shredder, shall I?"

4. When a classmate or colleague takes credit for something you did, and you can't protest cos no one likes a moan, right?

"She'll get hers, I swear to God."

5. When you change your plans countless times to suit a flaky friend, and she calls you out on that one time you bailed.

"It's like that b*tch has been sent to test me."

6. When you're asked to help at home, and then suffer through an hour of criticism about your approach to the task.

"WHY DID YOU ASK ME? WHY DID YOU ASK ME? WHY DID YOU ASK ME?"

7. When you drag yourself home after a long day, and the house is cold, the fridge is empty, and there's no hot water,

"The hot, salty tears are coming, and I shall embrace them."

8. When you miscalculate the available funds in your current account for the 2,000th time, and realise you will never own your own home.

"I'm the person they're talking about on the news."

9.When you come across a spoiler for the season finale of your favourite show, and must accept the fact your evening is officially ruined.

"I gave ten weeks of my life to that show, and for what? Nothing."

10. When you ignore the ringing house phone for the guts of two minutes, make the decision to finally answer, and only pick it up as it stops.

"If I ever find out who that was… I swear to God."

11. When you Wi-Fi stops working, and you spend an hour pulling random wires out of the router.

"I literally can't see through my tears of frustration."

12. When you finally get your broken charger to work, and realise it stopped the minute you turned your back.

"I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!"

13. When you give your hairdresser simple instructions, and still leave the salon looking like David Bowie in Labyrinth.

"I'm going to burn her house down."

 

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