13 things you’ll know if true crimes documentaries are your JAM

Mar 9, 2017

Look, it's far from easy to admit that your favourite way to unwind is by settling yourself in front of a grisly true crime documentary, but the sense of liberation that comes with finally doing it is fairly spectacular.

Yes, it's weird, yes it's mildly disturbing and yes, you've definitely wondered whether your macabre pastime would go against you if you ever found yourself in front of a judge, but hey you like what you like, and you no longer care who knows it.

And while most friends and family struggle to understand your fascination with the darkest recesses of the human psyche, you firmly believe your obsession with true crime will stand to you at some point in the future.

Here are just 13 things you'll know if true crime documentaries are your go-to watch.

1. You have, at times, surprised yourself by knowing the details of a murder which took place in Milwaukee in 1986.

Chances are you've stumbled upon a few documentaries detailing the same case, and you can't help it if the timeline of events has seared itself into your memory, right?

"Oh, I know this one! Your man from down the road did it, but framed his mate."

2. You generally can't stop yourself from researching everything about cases which piqued your attention.

When it comes to the more obscure cases, you end up feeling like an investigative journalist trawling the archives for more information on some homicidal lunatic from the States.

"There's very little on him on Wiki, but this local paper from small-town Idaho knows what's up. I should beef up this guy's online presence."

3. You have heard yourself rationalising your interest by leaning on the forensic side of things.

Throwing phrases like 'development in DNA testing' and 'cold case files' makes your fascination with the life and times of a serial killer sound a little more palatable.

"It's not that odd, really. I mostly focus on the police work involved."

4. You have had to stop yourself from sharing the more obscure details of a case for fear your colleagues will begin questioning your actions.

Everyone in the office watched How To Make a Murderer, but only you decided to spend hours online searching for that one piece of evidence that would set Steven Avery free.

"I'm telling you, lads. If someone would just listen to me."

5. You hate to admit it, but you actually have favourite true crime cases.

You know how despicable that sounds, but there are some serial killer cases which appeal to you more than others.

"I don't know what it is, but it was the perfect storyline… and yes, I know it's true and I'm going to hell."

6. You get a frisson of excitement when you spot a link before the narrator reveals the twist.

You get an inkling you're onto something, and can't help but throw it out there lest anyone think you're losing your touch.

"Hey, have you a second to talk? So, I was watching one of my docs, and I had the murderer in the frame before the first ad-break. Hello?"

7. You curse your fascination when you find yourself alone in certain situations.

It's all well and good when you're cosied up at home, but the moment you're by yourself your mind wanders to the unsolved murder of a person in Wyoming in 1977.

"Oh my God. I'm, literally going to star in my own murder doc."

8. Your most-listened to podcasts are true crime ones, and you can't help but imagine yourself behind that mike.

Secretly, you know that your fascination with crime would make for a compelling podcast, but your damn day job keeps getting in the way.

"Nobody would be able to tell the story of Ted Bundy like I would."

9.You feel awkward when you have to admit that while yes, you adore true crime, it's generally reserved for the more mysterious and grisly.

Bank heists and great train robberies don't exactly do it for you.

"Yeah, I know it happened in real life, but unfortunately I don't care right now."

10. You have endured comments that you're like those women who fall in love with death row prisoners.

While you're more than willing to put up with light mockery, that is one accusation you won't accept.

"I'm sorry, you've taken it too far this time."

11. Your friends consider you an oracle on all things crime-related.

You've had to suppress a surge of pride when friends come to you for the details on the latest high-profile crime case.

"Jesus, it's like they think I have an inside scoop! I'm literally famous."

12. You have urged your friends to join you in your pastime, but they struggle to share your enthusiasm.

They generally like to laugh during TV binges, and don't understand your desire to start goggle-eyed at court proceedings during a high-profile case from 1995.

"Give it a shot. You won't look back."