9 moments you’ll definitely recall from your very FIRST hangover


There's no doubt that hangovers get worse as you get older.

As a 19-year-old, a quick McDonald's breakfast the morning after a rager of a session was enough to sort you out before a nine-hour shift in a bustling department store.

As a 29-year-old, nothing short of a counselling session, three-hour shower and frantic texts to friends and family will help ease the pain brought on by a night on the tiles.

But while the older among us bemoan those who still manage to dodge hangovers, we do reserve a kernel of empathy for the moment they do experience their first real-life hangover.

Here are just 9 moments you'll recall from the day your first genuine hangover actually landed.

1. The all-encompassing sense of dread that descended upon you after opening your eyes.

Long gone are the days when your 'hangover' kicked off with a burst of giggles over your antics the night before.

"Why do I feel like I've burned down an orphanage? Turn on the news and check. I've an awful feeling about this."

2. The hammering in your head makes you question whether you actually sustained head injuries the night before.

That vague ache which would lift after a cup of tea has nothing on the splitting pain behind your eyes right now.

"I actually can't move my head. I can't. Call my mam. But tell her I was pushed head-first into a wall last night."

3. The desire to ensure you're still in possession of all your personal belongings is no longer a priority.

Who cares less about your purse and phone when you're spiralling into a hell of your own making?

"I don't know where it is. I don't care. I just need to be hospitalised."

4. The inclination to shower is non-existent, because you can't be sure you won't drown in your current condition.

Unless you're carried into the shower and placed beneath running water, you're staying in last night's top and a pair of back-to-front football shorts.

"I want a shower, but I need to stay there for three hours, and I need supervision. Can you provide that?"

5. The idea of getting a takeaway for breakfast has you heaving into a wastepaper basket by your bed.

The days when you could chomp on a Dominos at noon before tucking into a chipper later that evening are long gone now.

"My body is rejecting itself, and I don't know what to do. Somebody needs to take this seriously, I'm frightened."

6. You scavenge for random items around your room that you think will help ease the pain.

A wet sock for your forehead? Check. Resting your face against the cold wall? Done. Rubbing the soft cord of your dressing gown against your cheek? Yes, yes, and yes.

"Leave me alone with my sock. But check on me in ten in case I'm dead."

7. You spend the entire day texting with one eye open (providing you have your phone, that is.)

The texts of yesteryear would be chock-full of last night's gossip, but on the morning of your first real hangover, issues get real.

"Do you hate me? Is there something you need to tell me? Why is Sinead taking so long to write back? Can you call an ambulance for me? Is this a hangover?"

8. Standing up straight and focussing on anything is beyond the realms of possibility.

Stumbling around your house in the form of Quasimodo is a sign nothing will ever be the same again.

"I honestly can't look up at you without feeling the need to projectile vomit. Please don't force me to do something we both might regret."

9. You swear on everything dear to you (between violent heaving) that you will never, ever put yourself in this position again.

You finally understand the sentiment behind those Facebook statuses insisting a dry month was on the horizon.

"Forget a dry month. I'm done. It was good while it *gag* lasted. But *gag* never again…."


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