‘Is your man still jarred?’ 10 things that WILL happen at Christmas mass


Mass on Christmas Day can be a stressful time. Here are the things that happen every year:

1. Your dad will try to make you leave 30 minutes early for the five minute walk to the church

2. You sit there and listen to the rosary for what feels like a lifetime

3. You forget all of the times you are supposed to sit, stand and kneel

4. You forget all of the prayers and use the old women sitting in front of you who are five lines ahead as a guide

5. You’ll trip on the way/way back from Communion

6. You don’t put your hands out on time and the Holy Communion is shoved in your mouth

7. Your mom will catch you on Twitter #boredinmass

8. You begin a totally in-your-head feud with the girl across the altar. She totally just dissed your new dress with her eyes – she’s going down

9. You forget said feud once you realise that guy you eyed up on the way in is the dribbly kid you went to primary school with. My, my, what a few years can do…

10. You realise going for that one (five) drinks with your bestie in the local was a mistake as you now REALLY need to pee and he is still nowhere near final blessing

11. You hear those magical words “mass is now over thanks be to God go now in peace to love and serve the Lord" and leg it back to the pub

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