We’ve all been there. We’re apparently DONE with Saturday morning lie-in’s, DONE with Saturday afternoon Netflix fests and DONE with missing out on stellar opportunities to show Facebook just how outdoorsy we are, so what did we do? We organise a Wholesome Day Out.
These excursions, planned excitedly the night before, never actually pan out as we expect and we know why. It’s the visitor restaurant. They stock tasty treats because they WANT us to fail.
If you’ve ever organised a Wholesome Day Out with the girls, then some of the following might ring a few bells.
Expectation: You will arrive at your scenic destination at 8am with a flask of tea and a bag of hang sangwiches.
Reality: You will arrive at your scenic destination at noon with a takeaway coffee and a Twix because your friend underestimated just how long a drive it is to get wholesome.
Expectation: You and your friends will dress accordingly and work that wholesome, outdoor look.
Reality: You and your friends will dress inappropriately and someone will be wearing a pair of Skechers from 2003 because it’s all they had.
Expectation: You will greet fellow trekkers with a cheery wave because that is how wholesome, outdoor activities work.
Reality: You will greet fellow trekkers with a miserable scowl because they know what they’re doing and you don’t.
Expectation: You will have a brisk, bracing walk in the fresh Irish breeze.
Reality: You will have a blister on your heel and despair in your heart as you realise you brought this on yourself.
Expectation: You will become one with nature and forget material goods for at least one day.
Reality: You will become one with your phone as you ring people and ask them to describe the warmth of their houses.
Expectation: You will pose for cute, wholesome photos with rabbits, deer and other adorable Disney creatures.
Reality: You will pose for one depressing photo under a tree, in the rain, so Facebook knows you do stuff.
Expectation: Surrounded by nature, you will reconnect with your friends and remember why you’re all buds in the first place.
Reality: Surrounded by nature, you will remember which of your friends is the biggest whinge and which is the biggest drama queen.
Expectation: You’ll hop, skip and twirl through beautiful tree-lined paths, remembering every family flick you’ve ever seen.
Reality: You’ll jump, trip and stumble through terrifying tree-lined paths, remembering every horror film you’ve ever seen.
Expectation: You’ll rest your weary bones at the end of your trek and relish every mouthful of your carefully-prepared sambos in the great outdoors.
Reality: You’ll crawl into the visitor centre and demand a glass of warm wine which you'll slurp while slowly sliding off your chair with exhaustion.
Expectation: You’ll start to wonder if modern life is really for you and maybe you’ve always been a simple, outdoor girl at heart.
Reality: You’ll start to wonder if going outdoors is really necessary. Can’t we all just open a window?
Now, whose bright idea was that?