The 8 stages of a woman scorned

You poked the bear. Now you must deal with the consequences, and boy can we tell you it's not going to be pretty. Here are the 8 signs of a woman scorned: 

1. The Icy Silence
Following your first outburst/accusation/fight kicker-offer, she won’t say anything. She will probably sit there and take it all in. You may think at first that perhaps she’s maturing, she’s going to approach this like an adult, calmly and with caution. Do not be lured into a false sense of security. She is merely building up her fight mode. 

2. The Hidden Ammo
You thought she didn’t notice when you liked that girl’s photo? When you wished your horrible ex-girlfriend a “super birthday”? When you forgot to buy her a birthday card? WOMEN NEVER FORGET. This much you will learn quickly.

3. Excessive Swearing
Just because she’s a pretty, petite lady at the best of times, does not mean that she won’t call you some of the most shocking names under the sun. Did she make that one up? 

4. The Cold Harsh Truth
She’s going to tell you exactly what she really thinks of you. Every gruesome detail. The sneaking suspicion that she dislikes your family, friends and hair, will be voiced loudly and clearly. Also, those chinos you wear are too tight, your style is terrible and it IS a big deal. Hurts, doesn’t it?

5. Questions/No Answers
The words “excuse me” are usually used in a polite context, except when used by an extremely angry woman. When she says “excuse me,” what she really means is that she wants you to repeat the completely stupid thing that you’ve just uttered, so that she can really begin to build a stupid case against you. Also, she’s asking you the same facts over and over again, in the vague hope that you’ll mess up some of them. Nice try.

6. Dragging Up The Past
Remember that fight that you don’t actually even remember? She sure does. What.. But… That was two years ago? EXACTLY. Exactly what? What’s happening? Help….

7. Storming Out Dramatically
By now she’ll probably have worn herself out, what with all of the shouting, swearing, and remembering what she’s been doing. So, in order to fully prepare for the next stage of punishing you, she is now going to storm out and tell you to, under no uncertain terms, “f*** off,” followed by at least three doors being slammed. This is purely for dramatic effect. You understand.

8. Turning Her Friends Against You
Six days (minimum) later and you finally think that you’ve gotten over this stumbling block, so to speak. She’s finally thawed out and cooled down. You begin to relax. Let us be the first to inform you that your relief is short lived, because it’s pretty much guaranteed that she has told all of her long suffering girlfriends once again about what an utter ass you are. So they now need the adequate time to process their anger in a timely, bitchy fashion. Let this be a lesson to all of mankind. Never, ever start a fight with a woman. She will always, always win.

via our content partner CT