The 12 guys every girl encounters in the pub

As every single girl knows – it’s a jungle out there. There are so many types of guys that will try it on with you and you have to be able to identify them. Here are the 13 most typical types you may encounter on your night out.

1. The Sloppy Drunk Guy
 He stumbles into you as he’s walking your way, knocks your drink out of your hand and slurs his words as he fumbles around to find napkins. Be prepared to tell him your name a minimum of three times and listen to the same story on loop, or perhaps just a statement of choice, like “you have really nice hair.”


2. The Guy You’d Never Consider
This is a really unfortunate case of ‘he just doesn’t get it.’ You’re completely out of his league, he’s not your type, and Hell would have to freeze over before you even considered getting with him. You wouldn’t think twice about swiping him on Tinder, but now he’s right in front of you, which is awkward.


3. The Talker
This guy will introduce himself to you and won’t shut. the. hell. up. Despite the fact that he’s been talking to you (or at you) for 15 minutes while you’re zoning out and playing the movie “Cocktail” in your head, he keeps chatting. And don’t think awkward silences will stop him.

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4. The Guy With The Obnoxious Friends
 It doesn’t matter if you’ve just met Prince Charming, because his friends are enough to drive you away. While he’s striking up a conversation with you, his idiot entourage will likely be doing one of the following: making blowjob gestures behind his back, throwing balls of straw wrappers at his head or yelling out “TAP THAT ASS!” while he tries to ignore them.


5.The Serial Flirter
 You saw him sashaying his way across the room chatting up every woman with a pulse and he’s finally made it to you. He may have been appealing if he hadn’t just approached every single one of your lady friends… and their friends… and theirs, but don’t bother trying to call him out on his player ways. He will deny it.


6. The Married Guy
This guy has no shame at all. He’s wearing his wedding ring and is screening calls from “Home” while he’s aggressively flirting with you. He never mentions his personal life in conversation and sidesteps it when you ask him. On the rare chance that you ask about his ring and he admits he’s married, be prepared to hear him say: “What, so I can’t make a new friend?” or “My wife is cool with it.”


7. The Old Weirdo
He’s the creeper in the bar who everyone notices, but tries to ignore. He’s got at least two decades on the rest of the crowd, and bops his head to the music like he actually knows who Drake is.


8. The “Too Close For Comfort” Guy:
Touchy-feely guys don’t waste any time getting to know you before they’re throwing an arm around you, putting their sweaty hands on the small of your back (or maybe on your ass) and talking to you from approximately three inches away from your face so you can practically taste the burger they just ate. Sick.


9. The “Too Cool For You” Guy
You lock eyes from across the room and you KNOW he wants to talk to you, but it’s not that easy. He continues to eye you up as he chats up his buddies, wrangling in other girls and will eventually make his way over to you. But don’t expect him to initiate conversation— he’s way too cool.


10. The Charmer
He’s personable, super funny and has you and all of your friends hooked in no time. It doesn’t matter what he looks like, because you’ll be too busy hysterically laughing at his impression of Schmidt from “New Girl” that you won’t even care that your vodka just came out of your nose. He’s the ringleader of his friends who loooove going out with him because he effortlessly initiates contact with the ladies for them.


11. The Uber Suave Guy
 You’re ordering a drink and minding your own when some sly guy comes up behind you and orders one for himself and one for “the pretty lady.” Eventually, he’s bought a round for you and all of your friends and you find yourself admiring his All Saints shoes as he guides you and your pals into the VIP section. He says all the right things, wants to know about your hopes and dreams and doesn’t talk to your boobs.


12. The Complete Dickhead
“Look, we both know you wanna go home with me so why don’t we cut the shit in between and I can show you what it’s like to experience the serpent.” Chances are he’s a big dude who spends him life in gym. You were mildly attracted to him before he came over and uttered some filth. “No thanks, you’re grand” will be your response, “Suit yourself, slut” will be his. It makes no sense, we know. Walk away.


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