Much as we would like to be seen by the rest of the world as perfect examples of elegance, grace and dignity, we all know that underneath it's just not true.
Sure, we manage to get out of the house looking somewhat respectable, and we only show our "amazing" Beyoncé impression off in safe company, but there's still a whole gigantic list of things we do in the privacy of our own homes that nobody has to know about. Which is good, because if someone asked, we'd never admit to ANY of these…
1. Facebook stalking everyone in the world
Not just that lad you fancy in work, but his cousin too, and his sister, and his best friend who just got married in Portugal. Just for the craic, like. That's all well and good until you're introduced to someone you've heavily stalked and have to pretend you DON'T know their address, their dog's name and how much they love House of Cards.
2. …And Facebook stalking yourself for good measure
Admit it, you've clicked the "View As" button to see what your profile looks like should your boss/crush/old school friend happen to check you out. You've also spent embarrassing amounts of time going back through your old photos and tweets to imagine what others might think if they were stalking you on social media. Thank GOD you've untagged all the sweaty Coppers photos from first year of college.
3. Taking 18 selfies for every one you post
Casual selfie? Ha. It takes at least ten tries to look this effortlessly smiley and cute.
4. Having full-blown conversations with yourself
Whether it's in your head or out loud, you've definitely had a full-on chat with yourself at least once in the last week. The likelihood increases even further if you're annoyed with someone in particular. How else are you going to practise your sassy comebacks?
5. Daydreaming about marriage two dates in
So what if you only met three weeks ago? You've already casually imagined the sweet little wedding speech he'd make about how you two met, and of COURSE you've pictured what your children would look like. It's only a daydream It's graaaand. But no one must know. EVER.
6. Embracing the moment you take your bra off at night
Fly free, boobs! There is no greater feeling than whipping off your bra in the evening and throwing on a giant jumper to hide your less-than-perky assets.
7. Checking out your face in the mirror while crying
We all look ugly when we cry. It's a fact of life. And yet somehow we feel the need to confirm it by staring at ourselves in the mirror while we're in tears. Which makes us cry even more. Vicious circle!
8. Eating enough food for a family of five with no shame
"Meal Deal for Two? Why thank you Dominos delivery man, I'll just take this inside and share it with my… self."
9. Wearing the same outfit twice when you'll be seeing different people
You wore that dress to work yesterday, but it would be really nice for that meal with the girls tomorrow too. Who's to know?
10. Getting overly excited when you find a good ingrown hair or spot
The satisfaction! Popping out that little hair or bit of guck is just so rewarding. If you have a willing boyfriend you've probably plucked or squeezed a few of his, too. Ah, romance!