1. Why are you being weird?

There’s a 98% chance that your partner isn’t being weird at all. In fact, chances are he probably just isn’t giving you the attention you want at the moment; ergo, why is he being weird?

2. Are you mad at me?

This may go hand-in-hand with #1, but this is our default question when our boyfriends aren’t talking to us or allowing 10-minute time gaps between text messages.

3. Can I have a jumper?

Boyfriend’s clothing items are essential to any woman’s wardrobe. It’s actually best to not even ask this question because your boyfriend is well aware he will never see that piece of clothing again. Just steal it! Chances are he won’t even realize it’s missing; just be sure not to wear it around him.

4. Where are you?

This question usually comes up whenever a girl’s boyfriend doesn’t respond to her texts or calls. She clearly assumes the worst, even though he is probably just napping.

5. Do I look fat?

There is no right answer to this question, even if you think you are telling your girlfriend what she wants to hear. Chances are you don’t really sound believable because you’re baffled she’d even ask this of you. ‘You are hotter than ever’ should drop right off your tongue.

6. Did you ever hook up with her?

Deny, deny, deny.

7. Do you watch porn?

Everyone watches porn (gasp, I said it!). For some reason, girls feel the need to question their boyfriends about this topic. Let’s be real for a moment: Do you really want him to answer this question honestly? That’s what I thought.

8. Where/what should we eat?

This is the biggest debate that occurs in any relationship. It’s just a meal! The thing is girls usually know where we want to go, we’re just thinking out loud by asking you.

9. Why is your mom such a bitch?

It may be true, but how would you feel if he said the same about your lovely mammy?

10. Do you want to be in a Facebook relationship?

NO! It’s 2014, there is absolutely no need to display your relationship like that. It’s childish and immature. If you’re engaged or married, good for you, go ahead! But when you inevitably break up, it’s really awkward when your friends can ‘like’ and comment on the activity.

11. Why is she texting you?

It’s my sister who text you, but still a threat is a threat and I’m just defending my relationship.

12. Do you think she’s pretty?

Men, this is a test, and if you answer yes, then, well, you fail.

13. What’s wrong?

Whatever is bothering your boyfriend probably has nothing to do with you. He’s probably just annoyed because Brian O’Driscoll is no longer playing…

14. Do your friends like me?

Let’s face facts, they probably like you as a person, but they don’t like the fact that you take their friend away from them.

15. Why don’t you want to hang out with my friends?

As much as you’d love to bring your boyfriend to girl’s night, that is the last thing he wants to do in his free time. You have your time; let him have his time.

26. Why do you have to watch sports every day?

Why do you shave your legs? Because it’s a lifestyle, that’s why.

27. Why did you like her Instagram?

“Umm, because she’s bungee jumping and how f*cking cool is that?” “Oh yeah, you’re right… but next time I won’t be so understanding”

28. Why don’t you ever listen to me?

Are you talking about your friend’s drama? Yup, that’s why he isn’t listening to you. If the conversation doesn’t directly relate to him, well then, he’s probably tuning you out.

29. Can we stay in tonight?

Isn’t the point of having a boyfriend to have someone to stay in on a Friday night with? My heel days are OVER..!

30. Are you really going to wear that?

“You’re wearing a weird aviator jacket to meet my friends for the first time… Why? ”