Reformer Pilates: 9 things anyone new to it will totally understand

Jul 28, 2017

Favoured by many Victoria's Secret Angels, there is no doubt that Reformer Pilates yield serious results.

And so with images of Gigi Hadid, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Alessandra Ambrosio flashing through your mind, you sign yourself up for ten sessions.

From lengthening your body, toning your core and improving your posture, Reformer Pilates will be your ticket to the body you've always wanted.

And then you start, and learn a few things about yourself.

1. Your coordination is not as good as you thought it was.

While you thought you nailed your left from your right decades ago, there's something about trying to balance on a reformer machine that throws the whole system into disarray.

"Hold on; my left hand? Wait, wait, what wrist do I wear my watch on?"

2. Exhaling and inhaling can be confusing.

No matter how many times you're told to inhale and exhale throughout your session, you still find yourself holding your breath for prolonged periods, and only realising after the trainer spots it.

"Sh*t. I did it again."

3. Rolling your spine is not something that comes easy.

While you're trying your hardest to complete the apparently fluid motion, you can't help but notice your spine touching the machine is more of a 'dunk, dunk, dunk' motion.

"We don't roll. We dunk, dunk, dunk."

4. The sound of the carriage crashing 'home' is shameful.

While everyone else is able to keep their carriage steady and glide it 'home' with ease, you're accidentally smashing yours into the end of the machine and ruining the peaceful atmosphere.

"Sorry, lads. Me again."

5. The use of the straps is vaguely disconcerting.

Seeing your feet in stirrups conjures flashbacks of a recent smear, which is not what you need when you have core-work to do.

"And I can't even go for my post-smear muffin after this."

6. The image of yourself falling off the side of the machine never leaves you.

Squatting is hard at the best of times but when you're on a surface which can move at a moment's notice, you do wonder whether a toned body is worth it.

"Surely, someone has snotted themselves doing this, and what's the bets I'm next?"

7. You drink in your trainer's incredible physique and calm demeanour.

While you're desperately trying to differentiate between your left and right, your trainer is gliding around the room with a figure and posture that would bring tears of envy to your eyes.

"One day I will be like her. One day I will be like her. One day I will be like her."