It’s summer! You know what that means…we all try to leave this island of ours for at least 5 days to actually experience the season – yay! Here’s how the Irish person’s holiday generally tends to go:
1. The alarm has gone off at a disgusting hour, rudely awakening you from your slumber. ‘What the hell.. Oh! HOLIDAY TIME!!’
2. You leg it down stairs to have the breakfast of champions (tay and toast of course) that will fuel you for your journey ahead. You and your siblings have already started to become giddy, causing your Mammy to curse your ‘tomfoolery!’
3. You finally get to the airport but all the excitement has abated. Who are all these other people that are hell bent on slowing down your escape? Why are they wearing uniforms? Some even have their OWN suitcases. How inconsiderate!
4. After what seems like YEARS, you’ve finally boarded the plane. You all run down the aisle like a pack of wild dogs, eager to bag the window seat. After you’re ‘all settled in now’, Mammy dishes out the chewy sweets and makes sure you’re all buckled in, while shooing away any and all air hostesses. She’s ‘got this’.
5. It seems like your Dad has had too many Rock Shandy’s because as soon as the plane lands, he’s standing up leading the round of applause. You shrink into your chair with embarrassment, while your Mammy urges him to ‘SIT DOWN YE GOBSHITE!’
6. You’ve made it off the plane, out of the airport and to your hotel without a hitch. After Mammy has made you unpack you’re all decked out in your togs and sun cream. Next stop: POOL!
7. Your shenanigans in the pool are regularly interrupted by Mammy waving the bottle of sun cream at you, forever reminding you that your: ‘delicate Irish skin will be toast.’ And every time you re-apply more sun cream you have to sit out and wait for it to dry.
8. After you’ve had your fill of the sun you march back to the room to get showered and ready for dinner. With the lack of space, scorching heat and only one shower, World War III ensues.
9. Sixteen hours later you all exit the hotel, single file, miraculously unscathed from all the ructions beforehand. (‘Stop using the fucking cold tap I AM IN THE SHOWER!’)
10. Next stop: Irish pub
12. And at first you’re like… ‘IRISH PEOPLE!!!’
13. But then you’re like:
14. Except no Irish person on holidays is ever normal. They are always a shinier, redder, more fun version of themselves, wanting to forget about the recession, debt and the fact that we ever allowed these two eejits to represent our country
15. The next morning Mammy makes you rise early, despite your wretched hangover, so that you can ‘save’ your sunbeds’. You repeat the same thing every day, for two weeks. And you love it – except for this
16. After all, it won’t be long until you’re reunited with your one true love. Absence has only made the heart grow fonder
Same time next year eh lads? Savage.
via our content partner CT