These myths generally contradicted each other, but in our teenage world that didn’t matter.
We knew what we knew, we believed what we believed and we were always right… even when we were wrong.
God, the teenage years were confusing. (Mostly, because we made them like that.)
Sex – who needs the facts? Let your imagination run wild!
1. First-time sex was the most excruciating experience we would ever go through. Worse than childbirth, worse than catching your pinkie in a door and much, MUCH worse than standing on an upturned plug.
Sex is where pain lived, ladies.
2. Sex was a skin-on-skin, naked body-on-naked body two hour, candlelit experience with your loving boyfriend.
Anything else was a total bust and didn't count.
3. Alison with the red hair in 6th year had sex with five lads before lunch.
4. The guy would know that you were a virgin because there would be more blood than the hallway of The Shining and he’d tell everyone and the world would know and your life would be over.
5. Having sex meant getting pregnant. There was no middle ground. Oh, we knew about contraception, but that didn’t mean we wouldn’t get pregnant.
Thems the rules, yo.
6. Contracting an STD signalled your immediate demise. No ifs, ands, or buts. Sayonara, world.
Nice knowing ya.
7. Everyone was doing it. Even your friends who weren’t doing it were doing it. Everyone that is, but you.
But if anyone asks, you were definitely doing it.
8. Alison with the red hair in 6th year is the only virgin in the school.
9. You literally won't know WHAT to do when it's go-time. No natural inclination, no intuitive moves, no innate urges.
And that, girls, was sex.