Thanks to Micky Flanagan, we all know the difference between going ‘out’ and going ‘out-out’, right?
Those evenings that you intend to stay in with a plate of andwiches, but find yourself dragged to the local ‘for one’ before eventually winding up on the dance floor of your local disco in a state of utter confusion has nothing on the Christmas version of this saga.
Agreeing to go for ‘a few down the local’ any time between the 20th of December and the 3rd of January is a clear indication you are MORE than happy to sing Fairytale of New York on a pub table or shift the bloke from the town chipper in full view of his entire GAA team.
We ALL know what a few down the local means at Christmas, but we plead ignorance and then pretend to act confused the next morning when we wake up with a phone number scrawled on a batter burger wrapper.
Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without these nights of local mayhem, and secretly we love it.
Here’s what happens when you fall into the trap of ‘going local’ at Christmas.
1. You meet girls you never liked from school, but who you MUST catch up with in the new year.
2. You remember why you used get so drunk when you first started going out; accurate measurements are more a 'guesstimation' than anything around here.
Does this taste like a single to you? Your man’s after given me a triple…again.
3. You fall into conversation with the school stud and embarrassingly still get butterflies.
I know I’m engaged, but he actually laughed at my joke, girls.
4. You take forty minutes to get from your table to the bar because you’re accosted by a friend of the family with every step.
Ah, she’s grand. She’s at home with the dog and a tin of Roses.
5. You pretend you don't want to hit the disco before staggering to the toilets to drunkenly re-do your make up.
Will they be cool about my Converse, Christmas jumper, pyjama pants and drunk head? Obviously.
6. After staggering from the disco, you set up camp in the local chipper until you're forcibly removed.
Wait! I wanted FOUR batter burgers. Four!
7. Someone yells 'gaf party!' and one lad's poor, unsuspecting parents are treated to the entire town's rendition of Do They Know It's Christmas? in the conservatory at 5am.
C'mere and join in, Eileen sure! There's Martin! C'mere, you!
8. The party is broken up when someone tries to get the dog drunk and someone else pukes under the Christmas tree.
Fun is fun, but that tree is Eileen's pride and joy, for Jaysus sake.
God, we love it!