"Graceful." "Elegant." "Poised." Three words you'll never have heard used to describe you if you're clumsy.
While some lucky people can glide through life without a care in the world, us clumsy folk generally stumble through each day with all the rhythm and grace of a baby dingo. The joys.
Here are a few cold hard truths all clumsy people can identify with…
1. It is possible to fall flat on your face while perfectly sober, walking on even ground, wearing flat shoes
In fact, you do it at least once a week.
2. If you come within two feet of a shelf containing anything fragile, you will knock it over
Every damn time.
3. An iPhone cover is not just an accessory but an essential requirement
You end up accidentally flinging your phone to the ground on a daily basis and it's not pretty.
4. It's not just phones though, you're liable to drop anything. At any time
Every day is a new adventure.
5. Walking outside on uneven terrain is just asking for trouble
"There's a short cut down this little mud hill over here." "HA."
6. It's virtually impossible for you to drink something without spilling some liquid on yourself
7. Awkwardness is just a way of life for you
Half your day is spent apologising to inanimate objects after walking into them.
8. Using the treadmill takes some intense concentration
The actual running part is generally okay, but getting on or off terrifies you.
9. J-Law's falls at the 2013 and 2014 Oscars gave you nightmares for weeks
There but for the grace of God go I.
10. You look fondly at your bruises the way other people look at old photos
"And this one I got three weeks ago getting into the shower while drunk…"