Like most people, we start daydreaming about our Christmas dinner around mid-November every year; we ponder the variety of potato, we fantasise about our mum’s secret recipe gravy and we imagine that first succulent bite.
Then today rolls around and we can’t bring ourselves to look at the bloody thing.
Every time we walk into the kitchen, we see it resting under some crinkled tinfoil and we know we’re going to have to start making some excuses pronto to avoid eating any more of that giant bird.
If you’re fresh out of excuses at this stage, then feel free to use some of ours. We won’t tell.
1. Dustin the turkey was the shining light of my childhood and while yes, I did indeed indulge yesterday, I can’t possibly betray him again.
So, no thank you, I will decline your kind offer of turkey curry.
2. Did you not SEE that pregnant Thanksgiving turkey video on YouTube?
How can I be sure I’m not eating that momma turkey’s baby? I can’t, so no thanks.
3. No, I’m sorry. It’s against my religion.
Yes, I was indeed a different religion on Christmas Day when I ate it. Thank you for noticing.
4. Turkey is unfortunately my least favourite meat…
5. I’m sorry I can’t possibly eat turkey without cranberry sauce.
Oh, you have some? I’m sorry, I meant without marmalade.
6. I found that turkey a tiny bit dry the first time around.
I don’t think I can afford to eat any considering the water charges.
7. Oooh more turkey! Do you mind if I eat it in the nip? It tastes better that way.
No? OK, I’ll sit this meal out so.
8. Eating turkey after the 26th is against everything I stand for.
Yes, my moral compass revolves solely around farmyard animals. Deal with it.
9. I’ll only have some if I can put my head in the carcass afterwards like a zombified Monica from Friends.
No? Grand, so. Your loss.
10. I will projectile if I have to look at one more piece of turkey.
But thank you, I’ll just help myself to this block of brie, tin of roses and tub of miniature heroes.
We didn't say they were bulletproof, but they're worth a shot, right?